How Many Dogs Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?

So my friend sent me this, I guess you would call it joke, and I found it so funny. Figured I would share it with others

Border Collie: Just one. Then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Rottweiler: Make me!

Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh?

Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.

Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls.

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Mastiff: Screw it yourself! I'm not afraid of the dark...

Doberman: While it's out, I'll just take a nap on the couch.

Boxer: Who needs light? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there!

Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb?

Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

Old English Sheep dog: Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?

Basset Hound: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Westie: Dogs do not change light bulbs -- people change light bulbs. I am not one of THEM so the question is, how long before I can expect my light again?

Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out bulb?

A New Day is Dawning...for ME!

Last year, I took a job, that although I learned a ton of new things and really liked a lot of the people that I worked with…It just wasn’t the right spot for me. With the salary and the work load…let’s just say, I didn’t feel appreciated. I needed something new, I needed a change. And after months of digging myself deeper and deeper into a hole and struggling to pay my bills (thankfully I have friends and family that kept me from going into debt), I realized that with a college degree I should be making more than people who were high school graduates, with no college degree working as a cafeteria assistant. I am not saying that that people in those jobs are not worthy or whatever, but I feel that since I shelled out a ton of money for college, I should be making more than them. I had spend way too much money on college and way too many days stressing and crying to my friends to be living like this.

So I decided to start looking for a new job.  I love what I do, so I just needed to find a home. It took me a few months, I was really lucky compared to many people. I found a home and a boss that I love. I have had all kinds of bosses since my first job in high school. I have had crazy bosses, I have had mean bosses, I have had bosses that could care less and don’t provide direction. When I started working with my new boss, I thought I had hit the jackpot, she is amazing. She is great and I enjoy having someone to bounce ideas off of and someone who can actually be a mentor and doesn’t hate me. I watch her and I think to myself… “That is who I want to be in 5 years….10 years!”

I have been at my new job for about 3 months now and I couldn’t be happier. I feel like I am the luckiest person going. AND to top it all off, for the first time in a 6 months…or is it a year. I paid my rent, all my bills, got groceries, and I actually had money left over. I even have a savings account. Although there is not much in there yet…it is slowly growing! J I couldn’t be happier. I dealt with many months of deciding between gas to get to work and food to eat, but not anymore! I hope that I manage to keep my head above water.  I am going to keep working my butt off, but it will be nice to save money instead of asking friends for a change.

I hope that in another 6 months down the road I am in an even better position, and you better believe that I am going to keep working hard, doing my best, and keeping on top of my game to make sure that I never end up in the position I was in again. 

Alice and Wonderland

I went with my friend to see Alice and Wonderland last weekend. I am a huge fan of Alice and Wonderland. I read the book as a kid, when I was in my teens, and of course again when I heard that the movie was coming out. I downloaded it on my phone actually and re-read it.

If I would have known they were doing “Through the looking Glass” about when Alice returns to Wonderland after growing up, I would have read that one instead, but I figured they were doing the original Alice and Wonderland, like the commercial said…it did say Through the looking Glass, but whatever.

The movie was very good. It was funny and twisted and of course Johnny Deep did an AMAZING job as the Mad Hatter, but have we ever come across a movie that Jonny Deep isn’t good at?!

This story starts with a 20ish year old Alice (played by Mia Wasikowaka) on the day that she is about to start her life. She is as a party and in the process of being proposed to and before saying yes, as expected by everyone around, she is distracted and chases a rabbit is a suit jacket and falls down into a hole.  Just like her first trip there, she has to figure out how to get through the door into the magical garden, but she doesn’t remember this place, in fact, she just thinks it is a dream.  

Soon Alice realizes that this is not a dream, and it is not called Wonderland, but in fact Underland and she is to be their savior. The evil Red Queen (played wonderfully by Helena Bonham Carter)  has once again taken over the land and stolen it from her “good” younger sister and although may hope for the White Queen (played by Anna Hathaway) it is only through the act of Alice slaying the Jabberwocky on Frabjous Day.

Through the help of the March Hare, the Mad Hatter, Tweedledum and Tweedledee, and the Cheshire Cat Alice follows her destiny in a twisted creative and original version of Through the Looking Glass.

This movie was great. I wish they would have just called it what it was, and not tried to trick me by naming it Alice and Wonderland, so I was expecting to see a 8 year old traveling to Wonderland for the first time, but overall I was happy to see one of my favorite childhood storied come to life!

If for some reason you have not yet seen this movie, you should, it is worth it. BUT as always, I recommend first reading the book because the books are always better then the movies J

The Cable Provider from Hell – the COMCAST nightmare continues….

So if you read my blogs, or have stumbled across them, you will know that I have had more than one negative experience with Comcast. I got Comcast just under a year ago (and believe me I am counting down the days until I can switch to Direct TV…or ANYTHING ELSE) and it  has just been one horrible experience, and you better believe I am NOT renewing my contract and I tell everyone I know DO NOT GET COMCAST!

My prior blogs Comcast Cable Installation Fiasco , Yet More Issues with Comcast and Comcast Fiasco PART 3!! YES PART 3!!! have all given a detailed overview of the issues I have had to deal with in the past. After 3 blogs one would think “There cannot possible be more” well wrong.

First, let me say that I am not the high strung on edge person that I was 10 years ago. I have actually calmed down as I have gotten older and realized that getting upset over spilled milk wont un-spill it (try telling teenage me that! HA)

But I am getting off topic –

Where do I begin this story? It all just wants to come pouring out at once and everything is wrapped up in itself.

I guess I should just start by saying that, I don’t get bills from Comcast. I did NOT opt out of getting a paper bill and I NEVER opted into their “going paperless” program. Although I hate the idea of wasting paper, I am the type of person that needs that paper bill every month to remind me that my bill is due. It is just good for me, I can then write the check, put the check number that I am sending to the company on to my bill for my own personal record, and write down the day that I mailed it out. Or if I pay it online, I write that date down on the bill.

But with Comcast I have honestly received 2 MAYBE 3 paper bills since I have been their customer and I have had them for 9 almost 10 months now. And the 2 months was when I first joined with them. When I signed up I gave them my address

BLAH BLAH BLAH, FL, 333—

Right and I gave them my email

BLAH@Blah.com....

So after month 2 I stopped getting a bill. Ok… BUT I did NOT get a bill notification to my email (that I provided them) as to when the bill was due either. So for the last 7 months I have basically been winging it. Just kinda saying oh, it is the second week of the month, I should pay my cable bill. NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO WING IT!!! I am not going to spend my days logging into my Comcast account so I can check when it is due, when I log-in it is because I think to myself, OH I should pay my bill sometime. So inevitable - because 7 months of winging it one will eventual miss a due date – I did. Thanks to a stressful month! Which I know is not an excuse, and I need to be responsible, but that is why we get a paper bill in the mail or an email….it’s a reminder. We all need them sometimes when life gets a little busy.

About 3 maybe 4 month ago, I logged on for my monthly GUESS of when my bill was due and I couldn’t login. I try for about 2 weeks wondering what is wrong with the system…is it me…did I forget my passcode? So finally I think..I really need to pay this…I can’t send it the check…CUZ I DON’T GET a BILL! So I log onto the Chat thing. Which I must say I am actually amazed I found, because since then…I have had to actually type CHAT into the search bar to find it. There is NOT an easy to locate button on the main page that says “CHAT” I said to myself, this is ridiculous. Come to find out…something was up with the system…but what do I expect from Comcast really!?

So I get my bill paid and I mention to the guy on that CHAT that I haven’t gotten my bill and could they fix it. The guy says sure. So a few more months go by and guess what…I still haven’t gotten a bill. I spend the next few months WINGING it. Guessing when my bill is due and logging on randomly to pay it. And of course…with all these late fees that I am getting, because…just my luck…I randomly log in late.

So a few days, I came home from work and my TV didn’t work. I think…CRAP…did I pay the bill? Not like I had a notice from them or a letter reminding me, an email or anything saying Your bill is due….so I call up thinking maybe something is wrong in the area…NOPE I forgot to pay my bill so I pay it. I didn’t mean to…I wanted to…but you can only wing it so long before it bites you in the ass….right. What really frustrates me is the fact that NOW I have to pay something like $40 for re-connection charges…which I never would have had to pay if they would have just sent me a bill, or emailed me a bill or something.

So I contact them again…during business hours. And the lady tells me that I didn’t actually have to opt out of the paper bill, I had to opt into it, and after a few months it automatically stops sending me a paper bill unless I request it or something and that is why I was not getting a bill. WHAT! UMMMM…Last I knew you had to opt out of getting paper bills. WHY the FRICK would you stop sending someone a notification that their bill was due?! WHO DOES THAT!!! COMCAST DOES! (Gadda make that extra money by screwing over people in some twisted way) So I say…well what about my email. Comcast sent me emails to my personal email address for like 3 months (I filed them away in folders in my inbox for records, reminders, etc). She goes, oh well yes we have your email address but we actually forward your email to your Comcast email address. 

WHAT HOLD UP!!! I HAVE A COMCAST EMAIL ADDRESS! Apparently, when the girl came to my house the first time to set up my internet, she was suppose to log me into my Comcast email address and help me set it up, but because I guess she was too busy bringing her drug smoking boyfriend (he had a shirt covered in pot leafs so I think calling him drug smoking is pretty much right on and completely fair…or else why would he be wearing that shirt) who didn’t work for Comcast into my house so she could rush off with him after not hooking up my cable and leaving me to figure it out on my own was more important.

SIDE NOTE – Thank you to Belkin and TiVo for taking the 4+  HOURS to fix the mess that Comcast left!!!! I appreciate your help, patients and dedication to your customers and recommend you to EVERYONE!!!

So thanks to the frustration that I have had with Comcast right off the bat…I find out 2 MONTHS before my 1 year contract with them is up that this entire time my bill has been going to a Comcast account that I never knew I had. Had no idea how to access it or get to it! So I logged on and forwarded it to my regular email address….but really….how jacked is that! I already got my crap turned off, had to pay late fees and only have 2 months left!!!

DIRECT TV HERE I COME!! Hopefully your employees are more respectful and dedicated than Comcast,  because I feel that if it hadn’t been for that first horrible experience which led to another  and another, and another…my experience would have been much better…but it wasn’t and I will over every be frustrated, pissed off, and angry with Comcast! And when it comes down to it…I will always tell my story of my experience with Comcast to anyone who asks, will listen or anything and it is not a very good story at all!!!!

Trust me…the few details I have said in this blog are just one of the MANY issues that I have had with Comcast…and this is just the most recent. Please feel free to visit my other 3 blogs where I have vented about Comcast…read the full story and then decide if you want to risk have an experience like mine…..or even just dealing with one of the issues that I have had…is it really worth it…or is Direct TV looking a lot better. The prices are just as good and you get more channels….why go with Cable anymore!? It is 2010!!!

119 words not be said by reporters on WGN-AM (720)

So my best friend sends me emails during the day...she gets bored at work, and today she sent me this one and I found it rather amusing. 

CEO Randy Michaels sent out a memo to his employees listing 119 words and phrases they are no longer allowed to use. 

The real goal here is to avoid using words that make you sound like you’re reading, instead of talking. Apparently by not using ‘newsspeak,’ you enhance your reputation as a communicator.”

To be honest. I don't think I have ever heard a news show without a number of these words being used. I am not sure how well this is going to work for them...but good luck to'em!!

 

• “Good” or “bad” news
• “Flee” meaning “run away”
• “Laud” meaning “praise”
• “Seek” meaning “look for”
• “Some” meaning “about”
• “Two to one margin” . . . “Two to one” is a ratio, not a margin. A margin is measured in points. It’s not a ratio.
• “Yesterday” in a lead sentence
• “Youth” meaning “child”
• 5 a.m. in the morning
• After the break
• After these commercial messages
• Aftermath
• All of you
• Allegations
• Alleged
• Area residents
• As expected
• At risk
• At this point in time
• Authorities
• Auto accident
• Bare naked
• Behind bars
• Behind closed doors
• Behind the podium (you mean lecturn) [sic]
• Best kept secret
• Campaign trail
• Clash with police
• Close proximity
• Complete surprise
• Completely destroyed, completely abolished, completely finished or any other completely redundant use
• Death toll
• Definitely possible
• Diva
• Down in (location)
• Down there
• Dubbaya when you mean double you
• Everybody (when referring to the audience)
• Eye Rack or Eye Ran
• False pretenses
• Famed
• Fatal death
• Fled on foot
• Folks
• Giving 110%
• Going forward
• Gunman, especially lone gunman
• Guys
• Hunnert when you mean hundred
• Icon
• In a surprise move
• In harm’s way
• In other news
• In the wake of (unless it’s a boating story)
• Incarcerated
• Informed sources say . . .
• Killing spree
• Legendary
• Lend a helping hand
• Literally
• Lucky to be alive
• Manhunt
• Marred
• Medical hospital
• Mother of all (anything)
• Motorist
• Mute point. (It’s moot point, but don’t say that either)
• Near miss
• No brainer
• Officials
• Our top story tonight
• Out in (location)
• Out there
• Over in
• Pedestrian
• Perfect storm
• Perished
• Perpetrator
• Plagued
• Really
• Reeling
• Reportedly
• Seek
• Senseless murder
• Shots rang out
• Shower activity
• Sketchy details
• Some (meaning about)
• Some of you
• Sources say . . .
• Speaking out
• Stay tuned
• The fact of the matter
• Those of you
• Thus
• Time for a break
• To be fair
• Torrential rain
• Touch base
• Under fire
• Under siege
• Underwent surgery
• Undisclosed
• Undocumented alien
• Unrest
• Untimely death
• Up in (location)
• Up there
• Utilize (you mean use)
• Vehicle
• We’ll be right back
• Welcome back
• Welcome back everybody
• We’ll be back
• Went terribly wrong
• We’re back
• White stuff
• World class
• You folks 

The Great Gatsby

I recently finished re-reading The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald. I read it back when I was 16 or so…but I figured you should read “classics” more than once right.

So the book takes place in the summer of 1922 in New York City. Nick is the one telling the story. He moves out to New York after spending time in World War I. To escape the west coast he travels to New York and reconnects with his distant cousin Daisy and her husband Tom. At Tom’s house, Nick meets a young professional golfer named Jordan, who he strikes up a relationship with. Nick takes a house next to a young, mysterious millionaire named Jay Gatsby who is always throwing parties. Nick and Gatsby soon become friends.

Nick soon learns that Tom is cheating on his wife when Tom and Nick decided to take the train into the city. Nick meets Myrtle and quickly realizes that Tom is living a serpeart life with his mistress and has a apartment with her in Manhattan. While in Manhattan, Tom and Myrtle act like a married couple, inviting friends over and having a party.

Nick learns through Jordan that Gatsby is in fact obsessed with his cousin Daisy and he had meet her and fallen deeply in love with her when he was a young officer in the military before he had made his millions.

Nick reluctantly re-introduces Daisy and Gatsby after some coxing from Jordan. But with the knowledge that Tom is already having an affair, he doesn’t feel so bad about it.

Daisy and Gatsby feel the old feelings they had for each other reawaken and are soon spending all of their time together in a flurry love affair. Daisy and Gatsby begin to make plans for their life together, including Daisy divorcing Tom. When Daisy invites Nick and Gatsby to her house on hot summer day Tom realizes what is going on between Daisy and Gatsby and reveals that Gatsby is in fact a bootlegger.

Daisy, now trapped and unsure of everything breaks down. Things from there just seem to roll down hill for everyone involved. And the plot…oh the plot is so simple, yet so good.

I really enjoyed this book and it is one that I will have to read again. I love how everything was nicely presented at the end.

From all the books I read, there is usually one quote that sticks out. In this book it was “The rich get richer and the poor get children”. That was true in 1922 and it is still true (for the most part) today.

If you have not read this book…you should read it. It is worth it!!!

And Another Thing….

I have been reading a lot lately, but thanks to a new job, I just haven’t had the time to post them. After spending 8-9 hrs a day typing and working on a computer, sometimes I would rather come home and read a book or watch TV then to spend more time on the computer, but not always :-). So I am finally playing catch up!

My best friend in the whole wide world sent me And Another Thing… on CD, which was GREAT, because I could listen to it on the way to and from work. It took me a little longer to finish it but after HOURS and DAYS (maybe a month) I finally finished!!

My friend gave it to me over Thanksgiving while I was home because she knew I would love it. It is the latest (or final…not really sure yet) installment of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy “trilogy” book 6. (hahaha). My mum actually bough me The Complete Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy about 5-6 years ago. She said “You will love it” and I did. I cracked up from the first page to the last! I would call up my best friend and read her quotes and sections of the book and by the time I was done, she had to have it to.

And Another Thing… is written by Eoin Colfer, so when she said here read this, I was a little nervous. Since it wasn’t written by the genius Douglas Adams, I feared it wouldn’t be as good. And to be honest it wasn’t as good, but it wasn’t as bad as I fears. I did crack up as much, but Eoin Colfer worked hard to get into Adams mind and write the characters.

And Another Thing… picks up right where Mostly Harmless ended (HARMLESS, HARMLESS cried Arthur, “well I updated it” “to what” “Mostly Harmless” “MOSTLY HARMLESS”)

Side Note: I love how all of the book titles come from quotes the first book. Mostly Harmless, So Long and Thanks for All the Fish (that one has always cracked me up. I like dolphins)

Anyway, back to the plot – the book starts off with Arthur, Ford, Trillian & Random standing in Club Beta on an alternative Earth which is again about to be destroyed by the Vogon (because it seems the that is all the Vogon strive for in life). However right before this occurs, Zaphod appears (yet again) in the Heart of Gold to rescue them. Since Ford & Arthur had last seen Zaphod, he had somehow separated his two heads, and now Left Brain (or LB) from the Left Head is hooked up to the Heart of Gold, and is for some bizarre reason, rather intelligent.

But before they can make their escape in the heart of Cold, Ford accidentally freezes LB and they are trapped. Lucky for them Wowbagger, and immortal that has traveled around the universe insulting people saves them and takes them to Nano in exchange for Zaphod finding a way to kill. Back in the old days Zaphod had actually taken a colony of Earthlings over to Nano and they had created a new society.

On the way to Nano, Zaphod take off to strike a deal with Thor and Wowbagger falls in love with Trillion. Once on Nano, Zaphod convinces Hillman Hunter to make Thor their new God. Right before Wowbagger and Thor start go throw blows at each other, Wowbagger decided that he doesn’t want to die, because he is in love. But it is too late and the battle was on.

And in the mist of it all the Vogons have hunted Nano down on their mission to destroy all Earthings….

And I will stop there.

Read the book :-)

It is worth it. I give it a 7 out of 10 stars!

"Zaphod Beeblebrox says "YES" to Zaphod Beeblebrox"