My Toliet Trip...

Sooooo I always seem to do the dumbest things or maybe the dumbest things always happen to me, either way…I spend a lot of time laughing at myself.

Last night I went out for my evening run with my running buddy and best friend Jake-aronie (my dog). The humidity outside was horrible and by the time I got home I was disgusting!

*Side note – I always shower when I get home from working out, how come Jake just gets to go lap up water and eat his dinner right away…doesn’t he sweat too?**

I head upstairs and start to peel off my wet cloths, tossing them at the top of the stairs, because these are going right into the wash. They have to stink like death! Suddenly I feel something crawling around in my hair! I think, crap must be a leaf as I reach up to pull it out, but it moves under my fingers and scurries away deeper into my hair. Realizing that a bug is now lose on my scalp and most likely trying to locate a good nesting ground out of my reach so that it can hatch it young and they can all eat their way into my brain….I freak!

I begin to scream like a banshee, bringing Jake running up the stairs to my rescue…fat lot of good he did as he just sits there with his head tilted to the side watching me in mockery. I turn to run away from the bug, which happens to be an insane attempt of me running away from my own head. I go careening into the door knocking myself over backwards.

My arms go flying as I try in vain to regain my balance, however instead I fall backwards and land feet up in the toilet socking my butt in toilet water and cracking my tailbone. That will teach me to clean the toilet and forget to put the seat back down! Heck I am a single woman living alone, I don't think to check the toilet seat!

All I could do was try to stop hyperventilating as I struggle out of the toilet, breathe a sigh of relief that no one was actually around to witness my incompetence, thank the stars that my dog has not yet grown thumbs and learned how to use a camera and rub my butt as I laugh at myself. Since no one else is there to.

Now I am convinced that I am going to have a bruised tail bone for the next month and a red ring around my butt for the next week.

Oh the joys of my life! :)

Dark Shadows (2012)

I am a huge Johnny Depp fan and have seen almost every movie he has ever been with so when I heard that Dark Shadow was coming out, directed by Tim Burton and Johnny Depp has the lead, you know I wanted to go. Not to mention I was talking on of my friends for Mother’s Day and she remembered watching the TV show back when she was a kid. 

Let me just say that I was disappointed. Do you know those movies that show all the good bits in the previews and the movie although not bad, you feel could have ended about a half hour sooner. That is what happened here.  Don’t get me wrong, Johnny Depp played the character Barnabas amazingly and he did a brilliant job as always, but something just left me and the people I went with feeling like something was missing. 

The movie starts in the mids 1700’s with a young Barnabas Collins and his family sailing to the new world from Liverpool, England to start a new life and trade. His parents open a fishing industry and the town of Collinsport, Maine grows into a bustling town. Barnabas grows up and hits manhood, with that comes the passions and drives of young men…sex. Barnabas takes up an affair with a young maid in the house Angelique (played by Eva Green). Angelique falls in love with Barnabas, thinking that he would marry her, but Barnabas sees her as just a release for his needs and instead he falls deeply in love with an upstanding young woman of his class, Josette. Angelique is heartbroken and falls into a vengeful rage, unfortunately for Barnabas, Angelique doesn’t just seek vengeous like the normal scorned woman…Angelique is a witch. She kills his parents, put Josette in a trance and has her walk off a cliff plunging to her death and curses Barnabas to walk the world forever, feeling the pain of the loss of his beloved Josette as a vampire.

But this is not enough for the enraged Angelique. She turns the town against Barnabas and they burry him alive in a casket in the woods…..

Time passes…the city grows

1972 the city begins to expand into the woods, needing more land for a growing population. Late at night the construction crew digs up a 200 year old casket. Being the normal idiots that so much of the population is, instead of calling the officials, they open the casket. In a furry Barnabas, starving rushes out and feeds on the entire construction crew. 

Refreshed and happy to be out of his prison, Barnabas heads back to his home, Collinswood Manor only to find that his family has fallen from grace. No longer are they the powerful fishing industry that was the beating heart of the town instead they barley keeping afloat. Only 4 members of  family exist anymore; Matriarch Collins-Stoddard (played by Michelle Pfeiffer), mother of adolesant crazy Carolyn Stoddar (played by Chloé Moretz) and Roger Collins (played by Jonny Lee Miller, alcoholic asshole father to David Collins (played by Gulliver McGrath). Together they make up the dysfunctional remains of the Collins family.

David has a number of issues, unstable after his mother died he is unsocial and a loner. In an attempt to help the young boy survive Matriarch has hired a live-in psychiatrist, Dr. Julia Hoffman (played by Bonham Carter) and a nanny and teacher, Victoria Winters (played by Bella Heathcote).

Barnabas arrives and through showing hidden treasures buried within the house, he manages to convince Matriarch that the rumors of the family having vampires in it are real and that he is Barnabas from the 1700’s. Matriarch agrees to let Barnabas stay as long as he doesn’t interfere with anything or harm her children.  Barnabas agrees. 

But soon Barnabas realizes that things are not quite right. His family business is gone, taken over by Angel Fish, run by the witch, Angelique, who has continued her revenge on the Collins family for 200 years by destroying every last member.  Barnabas is also shocked when he meets Victoria and realizes that she is the spitting image of his long lost beloved….Josette.  Barnabas swears that he will restore the family business, bring down Angel Fish and get his beloved Josette/Victoria back. It is easy to do, but let’s just say that Angelique’s anger has not subsided over 200 years and she is still out to destroy Barnabas, because if she can’t have him no one can. 

The movie had its moments that were funny and I have seen worse movies, but from Tim Burton I expect more. This is not something you should waste your money on and go see in the theater. Just wait until it comes out on TV.

The Hunger Games (2012)

 I love this book! So first let me say. Read the book, just READ THE BOOK!

I went with my friends this past weekend to go see the Hunger games. My friend has been wanting to go for a while, we didn’t get a chance to go when my mum was in town so we went on Sunday, hoping to catch it before it went out of theaters.  And usually I don’t like when they turn great books into movies. You lose so much and it just is missing the depth that the novel provides. I know you can’t put everything on the big golden screen right…and some things have to go and this movie was no exception. So if you missed it in the first line. JUST READ THE BOOK!

Let me just say one thing….for them playing in the Hunger Games, they looked pretty full. I don’t think a single person playing in this movie ever went a day without food. For starving to death, they were pretty pudgy!

However, the movie was still good…and I still cried! J  And you should still see it. But please read the book first!

The zombie-apocalypse ended (ok, not really, but something apocalyptic happened) and America has now been renamed and reformed into a new nation known as Panem. The nation is divided into 13 districts The Capital, District 1, District 2 all the way down to District 12, the poorest one. Every year the Capitol requests s sacrifice, known as a Tributes from each district, one boy and one girl. Any one in district 1-12 between the ages of 12 – 18 is entered into a lottery known as the Reaping and this is how the participates for The Hunger Game are chose.  These participates travel to the capitol where they compete in a computer generated arena to the death…and only one survives, bringing back to their district fame and food!

Katniss Everdeen (played by Jennifer Lawrence) is a 15 (maybe 16) year old girl who has learned to survive in District 12 by working alongside her best friend, Gale Hawthorne (played by Liam Hemsworth) and sneaking out of the district hunting and foraging to provide for her sister and mother. She has been doing this since her father died in a coal mining accident years ago.

On the day of the Reaping, Katniss and her little sister Primrose (played by Willow Shields), get up and head to the town square. Katniss reassures her sister that everything is going to be fine. Prim is terrified; being this is her first year being entered into the competition. However everything was not fine. Prim is chosen and realizing that her sister would die in the Hunger Games, Katniss runs to take her sisters place as the female tribute. The male tribute is chosen next, and he ends up being a baker’s son named Petta (played by Josh Hutcherson)that Katness remembers gave her some burnt bread when her family was starving to death. She realizes to survive…she is going to have to kill the boy that saved her.

Katniss and Peeta meet with Effie Trinket (played by Elizabeth Banks) and Haymitch (played amazingly by Woody Harrelson) and board the train to the Capital. They quickly realize that Effie is not happy to be their representative and would much rather be the spokeswoman for a better district and Haymitch, a former District 12 Hunger Games winner and their mentor is just a drunk who has already decided they are both going to die in the Games.

**Side Note – I love Woody Harrelson! I didn’t know he was actually in this movie until he walked onto the screen! He really did a great job in this movie, like he does in ALL his movies J **

Realizing that their chances are slim, Katniss and Peeta dive into the rich food and eat themselves near exploding, they have never had, seen or even dreamed about such food and luxuries as they are now being treated to on the train that takes them to their death.  When Katniss and Peeta realize that Haymitch has already figured them as good as dead, they go after him and convince him that they want to fight and that he needs to help them. Drunkenly he tells them that the only way to survive is to get people to like them, if people like them they will sponsor them and if they sponsor them then Katniss and Petta will have the tools needed to survive the games.

Katniss grimaces…she is not a people person! But as they arrive in the Capital it becomes very apparent that Peeta is a people person as he waves to them from the window.

The next day Katniss meets her stylist Cinna, Cinna becomes a shoulder to help support Katniss during the competition. Cinna dresses Katniss and Peeta in the most amazing outfit for the Gala Parade, 2 black costumes on fire to symbolize the coal mining district of 12. Realizing that the crowd loves them, Peeta grabs Katniss’ hand and raises their interlocked hands to the crowd….and the audience eat it up…their competitors…despise it!

For the next few days the Katniss and Peeta train with the other tributes in a large gym. They learn basic survival and defense skills.  While honing their skills, they get the chance to learn a bit about the other tributes and mostly the Careers (from District 1, 2 & 4 ) who train for the Games until they are 18 and then volunteer. Cato, from District 1, shows himself to be the biggest threat and the predicted winner of the games.

** Side note – I am not sure why District 3 doesn’t have careers, but whatever!**

Haymitch finds out that both Katniss and Peeta have special skills, Katniss is very skilled with a bow and arrow thanks to her years of hunting in the woods with her father and them with Gale, and Peeta is extremely strong. Haymitch tells them not to give away their biggest skills until they are in front of the Game Makers.  

After days of training it is time for each tribute to show the Game Makers what they have to offer. One by one each tribute goes into a room until it is Katniss’ turn. She walks in and realizes that the Game Makers are all drunk and more focused on the luxurious food in front of them then seeing her ‘talent’.  Her first shot misses, disgusted and angry with them for ignoring her, for the games for everything she shots an arrow straight through an apple in the mouth of a roasted pig. The Game Makers leap back and stare at her in amazement as she sarcastically thanks them and leaves.  Effie is shocked and furious by Katniss behavior, but Haymitch, Peeta and Cinna love it! When the scores of the Tributes are shown that night on TV (score 1 – 12, 12 being the highest) Katniss scored the highest…11, Peeta only scored a 9.

At the Capital the plot thickens, the President, President Show warns the Game Makers that the Games are about reminding the Districts of the past, not giving them hope and that he better be careful

Now it is time for the audience to meet the Tributes, and one by one each tribute is introduced and interviewed by TV host and star Caesar.  Katniss, not being a big people person stumbles through the interview. She tells Caesar that she is here in place of her 12 year old sister and tries to get off the stage as quickly as possible. Peeta on the other hand loves the camera and within minutes has the audience laughing until he admits that he has a deep crush on Katniss and has had it for years. Katniss, furious attacks Peeta backstage, Haymitch separates them and tells them that he can sell them as star-crossed lovers. Katniss reluctantly agrees…since it might bring her sponsors and save her life.

Then the games begin! All the Tributes are injected with GPS tracking devices and set down in cornucopia inside the game. All around them are weapons, backpacks and survival gear…a bow and arrow. The horn sounds and the Tributes are off.  It is a blood bath as the Career tributes attack anyone going for the supplies. Katniss grabs a pack and does what Haymitch told her, run…for water. She barely escapes an attack by Clove (District 1) but she survives. She heads into the woods

Katniss finds water and as she fills up her canteen she surveys her equipment….a rope, coat and some food. Loud bangs can be heard in the distance indicating the death of tributes…13 in all died at the cornucopia and the  Games have just begun! An alliance is quickly formed between the Careers and Katniss is shocked when she sees Peeta with them. Hurt and betrayed Katniss decided that Peeta is on his own and she will kill him now! The Careers have one main goal…take out the biggest threat…Katniss.

Katniss decided her best chance of survival is to get as far away from the Careers as possible, and the next day she heads out. She walks away from them and suddenly the Game Makers realize that she is by the end of the computer programed arena and miles away from any other tribute. In an attempt to get her back in the game they start a forest fire and send fire balls after her, sending her running back towards the Careers. Katniss barley escapes and gets burned badly on her thigh. In order to stop the pain, she hobbles back to the lake and gets in…letting the cool water sooth her burn…until the Careers show up.

Running for her life, Katniss climbs up a tree, unable to reach her the Careers settle down under the tree for the night. Katniss ties herself into the tree and tries to figure out her next move. Suddenly a parachute appears sent from Haymitch….its medicine for her leg! Early the next morning Katniss awakes. The Careers are still below her but she has another visit, Rue, a 12 year old girl from District 11. Rue has been following Katniss since the beginning of the games and even in the training and she points to a large trackerjaker nest right above the Careers. Seeing her chance Katniss cuts the genetically mutated wasps down on top of the sleeping Careers. The Trackerjakers are venomous and can kill

The group settle for the night underneath the tree whilst Katniss once again ties herself to the tree. She is woken up later in the night by a parachute sent by Haymitch containing much needed medicine for Katniss' wounded leg. She applies it and her burn appears to clear up as if nothing had happened. Her attention is then caught by Rue, a 12 year old tribute from District 11 in a nearby tree. She is friendlier than anyone else Katniss has come across. The wasps form a cloud and sting the group forcing them to run to the water.  One Career dies, Glimmer.  Katniss manages to get out of the tree, but not without getting stung herself. As she begins to hallucinate she pulls the bow and arrow from Glimmer. Peeta comes running back to the camp site, sees Katniss and screams at her to run! Confused and drugged Katniss stumbles into the woods.

Katniss falls to the ground. After nights of hallucinations, Katniss awakens beneath a tree trunk with leaves covering the stings. Rue appears; two girls decide to team up and go on the offensive.  Rue tells Katniss that the Careers have all their food and supplies in the meadow and that is their main camp sight. Katniss forms a plan to destroy the Careers supplies. She tells Rue to set small fires to distract them while she goes and destroys their food. To keep in contact with each other they will use the call of the Mocking Jay, a bird that will mock your melody if it likes your voice and sing it back to you.

The Careers see the smoke in the distance and leave their camp. Only one tribute remains. As Katniss looks for a way to destroy the food a girl she has named Foxface appears runs towards the supplies, avoids the traps (mines), gets what she needs and runs away without being noticed.

Katniss realizes that she won’t be able to avoid the bombs, instead she shoots a bag of apples that fall to the ground and explode all the mines destroying the food. Cato, returning to the camp is so furious with the boy left on guard that he breaks his neck. Katniss realizes it is time to go. She heads back to find Rue, only to find her just in time to see a spear go through her. Katniss without even thinking sends an arrow flying into Rues assailants’ chest killing him on the spot. Rue dies in Katniss arms.

Back in District 11 (Rue's home), her father (we believe) is shown distraught and angered by his daughter's death and begins a riot against the Hunger Games. The Peace Keepers of District 11 arrive and kill Rue’s father dead.  President Snow is enraged at the rebellion in District 11 and wants to kill Katniss. Haymitch, realizing how close Katniss is to being murdered, pleads with the Game Keepers to keep her alive. The Game Keepers make an announcement in the arena, the rules of the Games have changed; there can be two winners of the Games as long as they belong to the same district.

Katniss realizing that if Peeta is still alive they have a chance to actually win the games sets out to find him. She finds Peeta  camouflaged by the river bleeding to death. Katniss helps him to a cave where neither of them will be found.  She tries to treat Peeta's wound she will need real medicine, medicine to expensive for a sponsor to purchase.  Suddenly a new announcement is made, at the cornucopia will be something for each tribute that they desperately need.  Katniss knows it is the medicine to save Peeta. Peeta begs her not to go, knowing it will be a blood bath again, but she kisses him and as soon as he falls to sleep she heads out.

Katniss makes a run for her bag, but Clover appears out of nowhere and jumps her. Fighting for her life the two girls roll around. Clove teases Katniss about teaming up with Rue. Suddenly Thresh (the boy from 11) lifts Clover off Katniss. He beats Clover to death and lets Katniss go…’just this one time, for helping Rue’.  Katniss gets back to the cave and gives Peeta the medicine.

Now that Peeta is able to walk, they decided it is time to get food. Katniss goes hunting and Peeta splits off to forage for berries. A canon booms in the distance and Katniss freaks thinking Peeta is dead, but it’s not. Peeta has gathered poisons berries without knowing it and Foxface stole them and ate them.

Peeta and Katniss head off to find Cato, who has just killed Thrash by the cornucopia! In the distance they hear a cry in the distance and suddenly giant mutated dog like creatures leap out at them. Katniss and Peeta run through the woods towards cornucopia. They leap to the top of it as the dogs circle around them below barking and howling. Cato suddenly appears on top of the cornucopia and attacks Katniss in fury. He tries to toss her to the dogs, but Peeta jumps to save her. As Peeta and Cato struggle, Katniss watches in horror. She prepares the arrow and aims it at Cato. Cato starts to laugh psychotically and starts to say that he knows the truth about the Games. Katniss shots Cato and rushes to grab Peeta before he falls to the dogs. Katniss and Peeta watch as Cato is torn apart.

The cannon goes off and the Game Makers make another announcement….the two victors rule has been revoked.

Realizing that one of them must die, Peeta begs Katniss to kill him so she can live. But Katniss has another idea in mind. She gives Peeta some of the poison berries and they both prepare to commit suicide. Either they both are walking out or neither. The Game Makers revoke their last announcement and announce them both victors!

Haytmitch is furious with them. He knows how upset the President is and he tells them if they want to survive they MUST continue to play lovers, but he still doesn’t think that will save them.

Peeta and Katniss give their final interview and travel back to District 12. Gale is there to meet her with Prim and Katniss’ mum. The Game Maker is forced to kill himself and President Show watches the victors wondering…