Scrubbing Bubbles v/s Cockroach

Before you go out of town for the holidays, one thing I always do is clean my house.

Tuesday night I come home and after a nice 2 hour workout I decide to clean my house before heading out of town for the holidays. I open up all the doors and start the cleaning.

I did the laundry, dishes, cleaned the kitchen, dusted the living room, swept the floor and mopped...finally I was done, the downstairs looked good.

I poured a glass of wine and went upstairs, thinking to myself that I was going to fold and put away my cloths  and quickly clean the bathroom before jumping into the shower.

Cloths away I head to the bathroom for the finally! Sitting down to go to the bathroom, I look around...monitoring what needs to be done. Suddenly my eyes land on what I assume is a cockroach. (OK, it may not have been a cockroach, but I freaking HATE bugs and any 6 legged creatures that isn't an ant or have wings is a cockroach.)

I understand bugs in houses, but how the hell did this thing get into my bathroom!!

I sit motionless on the pot... afraid to move not wanting to draw unwanted attention to myself. I scan the bathroom for something to kill the creature with when my eyes fall on the can of Scrubbing Bubbles that I had pulled out to clean the bathroom.

Taking careful aim, I empty about 1/4 of the can onto the freaking thing...die MF die...and, still sitting on the pot, wait for the bubbles to die down with a huge wad of TP in my hand.

As the bubbles pop I can finally see the bug twitching under the suds and I toss the wad down on top of it and proceed to smash the roach to death with the Scrubbing Bubbles can (so gratefully for Scrubbing Bubbles!)

Now that I had successfully defeated the roach, I turn my focus back to cleaning. I clean the tub, sink, counter, toilet and floor. I debate cleaning the shower, but I had done it the other day and I spray it down after every use with diluted bleach...so I figure - na, I'm good.

Feeling dirty and ready to crawl into bed and finally finish my glass of wine...which I am sure has warmed up since I came upstairs, I quickly strip and climb into the shower.

As I begin to wash my face I look around and see a baby cockroach crawling up the shower door (ok, again maybe not a roach...it was a 6 legged tiny black thing with a red strip on its back, but as I said...all 6 legged things that aren't ants and don't have wings are roaches)

I throw the shower door open and grab the Scrubbing Bubbles can again and go to town on the baby roach. Which I am sure is pissed the hell off at me for killing his daddy 10 min ago.

With the baby now killed I lean down to put the can on the floor...might as well clean the shower since it is in here now...and I look to the left corner. There are like 7 more of these little bastards plotting my death for murdering their kin! Where the F' did all these baby's come from, how did they get into my shower and What the hell is going on here!

Freaked out and unable to contain my in-dept fear of bugs I finally spaz. I stumble (not so gracefully) out of the shower and end up on my butt looking into my shower. The freaking things doesn't just have 7 bugs in there it has like freaking 70 (that may be a little bit of a dramatized number, but I was traumatized at the time)! And I was in there NAKED! EEEK!

I go insane, I spray the army of baby roaches with Scrubbing Bubbles and Diluted Bleach. I spend a good 10 mins killing and cleaning my shower and fighting to get my heart rate under 200 I succeed.

I go downstairs, dig out the Big Ass bottle of commercial bug killer and go back upstairs.

I spray the crap out of my shower...thinking, ummm this can not be good for me. I then spray the rest of the damn house. Freaking bugs!

Finally done, I change and get into bed....I turn on the TV, pick a show to watch and sit back. I lean over to pick up my glass of wine and there is a freaking MOTH in it, having some kind of seizure!

Really. Can't I just get a break!!!

Or maybe I just need to really invest in some screens for my doors ASAP! HAHA

Me and Toilets Just DON'T Mix!

I had to pee so bad (been drinking a TON of water today)...so I scuttled to the ladies room and hurried into the stall. Not looking, I pulled my pants down and sat down, I FREAKING FELL IN and cracked my tail bone! The damn seat was up! WTF, I appreciate the fact that they clean the bathrooms, but can they put the seat down afterwards! It is the ladies room!! I don't know many ladies that need the seat up when they go to the rest room...so why is it left up!

How horrible is it to fall into the toilet at work? My butt was all wet and I had to whip it off with that cheap ass toilet paper that kept breaking apart and leaving bits of TP on my butt! 

So gross.  At least it was clean! But...ugh! So gross!!!!

Now I smell that cleaning solution that they use in the bathroom now...while sitting in my office. I wonder if other people who come in to talk to me can smell it to...and I wonder what they think...possible "WOW Chloe, you are really clean!" 

LOL :)

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Oh and I forgot to mention that I have been putting Bobbi Brown oil free lotion on my face all day, because it is still raw from the wind during the Half on Sunday...So after cleaning off my now sparkling butt, I go out to SCRUB my hands and see a GLOB of the white lotion on my eyelid! I looked very inappropriate. UMMM. How long has that lotion been there looking like...use your imagination...and no one told me! embarrassing to say the least, and I am crossing my fingers that it wasn't long. Or everyone in the office may start to think of me in a different way!

Really....Why do these things always happen to me!??

You can read about my other fun Toilet Trips on my last fun blog.

Crazy Doesn't EVEN Begin to Cover It!

OMG sometimes men are just creepy.  One of my guy friends is seriously confused.

First off, let me just say…I have told this guy MULTIPLE times that I am not interested in dating him and that I am seeing other people. I have made that very very clear!  I have guy friends, guys that I go out with, watch the game, whatever, and none of them have gone all crazy on me like this.

So a few months ago (beginning of September) he said he had a bunch of Marriot points and needed to figure out what to do with them. I suggested taking a vacation somewhere like Bahamas or Puerto Rico or Jamaica. He said, that is a great idea, do you want to come with me. Knowing that I DID NOT want to go on vacation alone with him and give him the wrong idea, but wanting to be nice. I replied, “Well, I don’t know, it all depends on when and money.”

He suggested the wkend of Dec 7. Still trying to be nice and bow out in a polite way…because I still don’t want to go on a weekend away with him, say, “well I don’t have the money right now, I would have to find a sitter for Jake and my schedule is pretty crazy at work, but if things change for some reason I will let you know.”

*let me just remind you that this was all talked about in September

Time passes …we don’t mention this again. Since I am not planning on going with him, I don’t bring it up, but neither does he. So I move forward with my life. Make plans. You know…do my own thing. Figure if he was serious about it, he would bring it up again and I would just tell him a weekend away may give him the wrong idea so no.

Then last night, he said: “Hey, can you take Roxy the weekend after Thanksgiving”

I said, “sure”

Then he said “And don’t forget Dec 7^th we are going to Jamaica for the weekend. Remember, I mentioned it to you...”

I looked at him in SHOCK! We haven’t talked about this in weeks, where did this come from all of a sudden??

Yes YES, I know, we talked about it like twice but we NEVER finalized anything and a few weeks back my friend that I haven’t seen in 3 years told me she was coming down that weekend. Why wouldn’t I tell one of my best friends…sure come on down. I didn’t have plans that weekend!  

He (under his breath) was all, "well now I will have to figure out what I'm gonna do that wkend"

I said "well it's your wkend, you can do whatever you want, we didn’t have plans"

He said "Whatever, that's Bullshit" again under his breath.

I was confused & asked him WTF. He's all, “we were supposed to go to Jamaica.”

I said, “we talked about it weeks…months ago, but never finalized it, plus my friend has booked her ticket for that weekend  & I haven't seen her in years, so I'm not going anywhere.”

He was like "whatever, you should have told me she was coming that weekend. We did finalize plans. This is BS.” 

I looked @ him & was like, "you can stop saying crap under your breath and just say it. But We NEVER finalized anything & have not talked about this trip in MONTHS! I did mention to you my friend was coming; I mentioned it to everyone because I am excited about it. BUT honestly, I don’t have to tell you anything about my life. YOU ARE NOT MY BOYFRIEND. WE ARE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP! I told you originally...WEEKS ago, that it wasn’t in my budget, but if something changed I would let you know”

He kept trying to tell me we had finalized everything. And this crazy boy actually reserved the hotel!

We had not finazlied anything….and I wasn’t planning on going. I had told him I couldn’t afford it.

I know. I should have just been blunt up front, but seriously, I was just trying to be nice! I guess being nice was the WRONG idea.

But really:

I didn't request off work. It was a suggested date we talked about 2x in freaking SEPT!!! Then he tried to tell me we had planned it all out. Umm...no, cuz if we had, I'd have:
A) TOLD MY BEST FRIEND & MY MUM
B) booked a ticket
C) found a sitter for Jake!!
D) Requested off work! 

I did none if those things!!! So um I told him instead of putting words in my mouth he could get the fuck out of my house because we didn't finalize anything & hadn't talked about it in months.

What the hell. Seriously!

Who's That Lurking in the Bushes?

I have a lot of interesting experiences when I go out for my evening runs. I see some of the craziest things and try (when I can) to get pictures of some of them…but sometimes you just can’t take a picture.

Last night was one of those times…

I took my pup out after work and we went for a short run. Now that it is getting dark earlier, although I set out with the sun up but the last few miles are in the dark. 

I was on the last bit of my run and up ahead of me stopped on the side of the road was a black van with the engine running, lights off and side door open.

I have a sudden realization that its dark out & I think DAMN “I gadda start carrying my mace again!” I have a sudden flash in my head of some big beefy guy leaping out of the bushes, putting a cloth socked in chloroform over my mouth, pushing me into the running car, hurting my dog, kidnapping me & selling me into slavery! I may have been over thinking things….

As I got closer, I saw some movement in the bushes out of the corner if my eye! Fight or Flight suddenly rushes through my body and I am tense, ready to flee. Only to see a 12 year old boy in a blue shirt comes lumbering out of the bushes!

I yelp anxiously while the adrenalin rushes through my body and it registers in my mind that it is just a child. I continue running past grateful people cannot read my mind and slightly embarrassed that I let out a yelp that I am pretty sure they heard.

What was a 12 year old boy doing in the bushes on the side of Hiatus at 7:30 at night you ask…well since he was adjusting his pants when he came out of the bushes, I am going to guess he was back there peeing. Not quite sure the kid couldn’t wait 2 min until they got to the McDonalds, Walgreens, Mobile or Winn Dixie that are all just a mile up the road before he had to relive himself. I guess lurking in the bushes and scaring the crap out of unsuspecting woman as they jog by is more fun. 

Damn Kids!

Facebook Emotions..

Good on Paper:

Dating freaking suxs and it is stupid hard. I don’t know why men enjoy doing it so much! I meet this boy…let’s call him Mr. Peep This. That boy is so good on paper and reading the paper…we would be a great fit for each other!  Took a while, but I finally decided to go ahead and meet him, go on a date. Right. Heck, like I said he is good on paper and yes, we do have a lot in common.

He is so good on paper: jobs, education, car, financially stable, active (he does crossfit etc) knows what he wants, he is smart, funny and very very nice and we got along really well....but then like always...you see the flaws. There is always something…isn’t there. :(

**Just a side note**

Guys work so hard to get in your pants. They are so attentive and responsive, but as soon as they do...BAMN...you move from #1 to #21

Sad thing is, if they didn't get us use to the attentiveness and responsiveness in the beginning, we would be so bothered when they stopped doing it so much! Then they say you are the needy one and why do you want to see them all the time.

I WILL TELL YOU WHY! It is because from DAY ONE they have been like that. Now it is day SIXTY ONE and you have just gotten into the routine. Honestly, we had lives before them; they inserted themselves into our lives, changed us and then blame us for changing....

And I don’t care how they act, we have already decided within the first 30 seconds that we see/meet them weather or not we are going to sleep with them, so this whole messing with our minds part is SOOOO not needed!

****

Back to Mr Peep This.

Date #1 goes really great, but the flaws….

1) And this is the biggest one: When he opens his mouth.

            The boy says words from 1990! Yes, Seriously! 1990!

            Words like:

            * Peep This

            * Word

            * No Doubt

            * Yo

            * Crib

WTF! Are you kidding me! Although he did use HAM (Hard as a Mother) the other day, which I love (thanks to Two Broke Girls)! But ugh! It is just so strange hearing slang from 1990, especially in a New York accent. I just look at him, jaw dropped, wondering WTF is going to come out of his mouth next.

Hell, I even had to txt a friend to see if I could get an interpretation on one text "Chillaxin in bed all day. What fucking killed me boo is spelling at 9 effin am"

What the hell does Spelling mean!

Sadly, no one could tell me, and I didn't want to ask in case it was an auto correct...causing him to realize just how strange I find his lingo. Urban Dictionary didn’t help me out either L Damn Google!

At this point in time I am waiting for WACK to come out! Heehee.

So that is issue #1

Issue #2

2) He is still a bit of a party boy

Not such a big issue for me, but now that I am older...getting older...whatever. I like to sleep more and I am not getting drunk or going out to the club as much. Hell, I haven't been to the bar in MONTHS, I can't even remember the last time and I haven't been to an actually night club since my birthday in April! And I don't plan on going again anytime in the near future.

Him...he goes out until like 5 am - 6 am. He said the other night he went out to a club after he got off work (admittedly at 3 am) and was out until 8 am!

Are you crazy! You are 30 years old! doing that 3-4 times a week is not good.

Even after our date the other night, at 11:30 or whatever, instead of going home like a normal person would do on a Thursday night, he went to Off the Hooka in Fort Lauderdale and meet up with some friends until like 3 am! NO WAY! That is just strange to me.

Then he said to me: "I don't want to go out late like that anymore and now I found a girl who doesn't."

IDK, I don't want him to change who he is and not go out because of me. I want him to be that person on his own. I don't think people should change something like that about themselves for someone else. And how will that even work. Obviously all his friends are the same way. Going out late, partying all night and sleeping all day.

Why does dating have to be so damn hard? LOL

I am going to go on another date with him. But 2 issues that I need to address, consider and decided on...NO DOUBT!!

Alex Cross - The Movie

I just have to say!!!


I LOVE the Alex Cross Series by James Patterson! 

But I still CAN NOT believe that they cast Tyler Perry for Alex Cross!! He is NOT Alex Cross!!! SERIOUSLY!! WTF! READY the BOOKS!!! Idris Elba is a MUCH better...MUCH hotter....PERFECT fit for Alex Cross! 

Tyler Perry! Ugh. Could you make me any sicker! I don't even want to waste my time watching that dude completely screw up a perfect movie.. especially when Idris Elba could have done it so perfectly...and dame is Idris Elba sexy....ummmm......seeeeexxxxxyyyyy!! :) Ummm...Yes, Idris Elba really is Alex Cross!!