Handywoman I am Not

Nothing like sitting watching TV in your living room when the overhead light suddenly goes out. 

Saved by the light glow from the TV, I carefully navigate to the closet to retrieve a new light bulb. Carrying the step-stool in one hand, light bulb in the other & a screwdriver in my mouth, I am proud to report that I only step on 2 dog  bones on my way back. 

I put the stool down, put on the kitchen light, fat lotta good that did as it only illuminates the kitchen sending no light around the corner to the living room where I am trapped in darkness. 

Realizing that this is going to be a blind mission, I head up the stool. I unscrew the glass dome around the light...change it, feeling much like a handywoman only to be rewarded with continuous darkness. 

Back and forth I go, light bulb, switch, switch, light bulb, am I missing something...5 min pass light, switch, switch, light....Check the fuse box...they all seem to be switched on. try a new light bulb, switch, light bulb, switch, new light bulb switch, fuse box again, switch again,...fuck, it's gadda be the wiring in the overhead ceiling fan. I believe I will need a new one. 

Fuck it, after the AC ordeal this week, I'm beyond stressed & tired & drained!!! I'm pouring a glass of wine & watching family guy in the dark! Screw it, I will just get a new bloody fan when the weekend (and payday) rolls around.

Off to work the next day, I leave my roommate with a note saying that something is wrong with the ceiling fan and I will get a new one this weekend. I spend the entire day venting about how frustrated I am that the stupid light when out and how I not only changed the light bulb and it didn't work, but I tried an entire box of light bulbs...so logical conclusion...it is the fan. 

I look on Lowe's and The Home Depot, getting prices for fans and budgeting out how much I have left after my AC leaked all over the place and I had to get someone in to do apparently what should be done yearly. Not much left in the bank, but I can't spend the next month in darkness ever time I am home. 

So Friday night finally rolls around and I plan to go tomorrow after training to The Home Depot, I figured out what one I was going to get and it was on sale and I was just going to bite the bullet and do without the luxury of extra food for the next week. 

A few friends come over for a Friday night nightcap and I am still on and on about this bloody ceiling fan and how frustrated I am at the whole situation, in between laughs one of my friends says, well did you try switching the fuse off and then on again.

Stunned that this is really an option obviously I had not. My friend goes to the fuse box, turns the switch off and then back on again and miraculously the light shines bright! Seriously, did I just sit in the dark for pretty much a week because of this. DEAR GOD, sometimes I swear I am a blond trapped in a brunettes body! How did no one think to suggest this to me before? 

Sometimes I wonder how I manage to even get dressed in the morning. So after this week, I realized Handywoman I am not...but I kinda already knew that one.  

How Young Do You Like Them??

So I'm at Dick's a week or so ago, picking up a "rash guard" and a guy browsing the shirts near me strikes up a conversation by asking if I'm shopping for my boyfriend. 

Smooth buddy...smooth. 

Being oblivious & kinda in a rush...training starts in 30 min. I tell him no, it's for me. He kinda follows me around, not super stalker like or anything, just chatting. Asking, what the shirt is for? How often do I workout? Where do I workout at? Just normal questions. 

I answer, he looks in his mid-30s, kinda fit & not that bad looking. But once I find what I need, I say bye and head to the checkout line. 

He follows me up.

"Sorry, I didn't get your name", he says 

"It's Chloe"

"How old are you Chloe?"

"30"

"Damn?! Really? I though you were younger"

Feeling flattered cuz every girl likes to be told they look younger then they are, I laugh & smile. 

"You're kinda old" he follows with.

I look at him. Did I mis-judge his age. Dude has to be in his 30s. He was kinda chatting me up 10 seconds ago. Did I miss something? 

"Why how old are you?" I ask

"35"

OK. Unsure of how to respond, I apologize, yes, seriously, I apologized & walked up to the register. I saw him again walking to my car, he didn't even look my way. 

Went from being hit on to being told I was to old in T Minus 5 seconds. 

WOW. Must say, that's a first for me. Guess he likes them young & ripe. 

Haha, being single never stops being interesting. 

The Resume Man

Dating in South Florida is hard and frustrating and sometimes...well most of the time these days, I am beginning to wonder if it is even worth it.

I meet guys in different places, out when I am on a run, at a race, at the dog park, etc....

Well about two months back I meet this guy at the park. I was running with my dog and we got to chatting when I stopped for water. He seemed normal enough and we chatted for a while. But it was getting hot and although the guy asked me if I wanted to go grab a coffee and keep talking, I wanted to:

A) Get home and give Jake something to eat, water and get him into the AC
B) Get a shower...I am dripping in sweat, its South Florida summer fools...sweat is running down my ass crack
C) What if he is crazy...do I really want to go have coffee with a crazy dude...need to weed out the crazy first

So I say no and I figure the best way to see if anything might spark is to give him my number. I tell him to text me sometime. I figure, we meet at a park so he has to be kinda into active things and maybe we have some stuff in common.

Well before I even get out of the park...guy is texting me. This may seem cute to some girls, but to me...we just spoke. I said text me sometime, not as soon as I drive away. --> FLAG 1

Whatever, I get home and showered, did what I needed to do and by the time I did respond (about 2 hours later), I had 4 or 5  more additional txt from him. He asked me what took so long, and told me that he was wondering what was going on. --> FLAG 2

Over the next week or so we text back and forth. As we get to talking I find out the so-called job he was telling me about was his OLD job and he is currently unemployed and has been for awhile now. OK, not the best, but I understand that the economy is in the crapper and jobs are sometimes hard to come by...but still. --> FLAG 3

Now the more he texts me the more I start to realize that running into him at the park was a fluke and that it was probably the first time he had even been to a park in years. He was there with some friend for a bbq or something. Whatever, I am a pretty active person so obviously I want to date someone who is active as well. When he starts asking me why I go to the gym everyday and telling me the last time he went was over a year ago...I start to wonder...maybe this isn't a good fit. --> FLAG 4

Next he owns a purse dog. I know, I know. men can own small weak yappy purse dogs. Hell Jake's bark is so girly it is embarrassing but he is still a 40lb mutt who is strong a hell and tough as nails! Boy runs 7 miles with me and can drag me down the road no problem. So a man with a dog smaller than my shoe...for me personally it is a turn off. --> FLAG 5

By flag number 5 in as many days...I decide...NOPE, rather not bother going down this road, should just say something before it goes any father.

So I give him a heads up. I tell him...in a nicer way, that  I don't think we would be much of a match considering his favorite pass time is sitting on the couch watching Dorito's, not looking for a new job while watching TV and mine is hitting the gym for a few hours every day and racing on the weekends. He said he still wanted to take me out to dinner and that I should give him a chance. Whatever...his choice, I said my peace.

So anyway....I got really busy with training and didn't respond for about 2 days, when I suddenly got a text saying.

"Hey Chloe Foster how have you been? Nice Facebook Picture, You are as pretty as I remember."

What...ummm...WTF...

I never told him my last name...did he just seriously just looked me up on Facebook --> YES all my privacy setting are up and pretty much you can't see shit unless we are friends...and I only friend people I KNOW, but I think if you are going to stalk someone on facebook (and other social media) you shouldn't tell them about it when you don't really know them yet. Stalk in a sneaky way, don't blare that crap out there.

I told him it was a little creepy and it kinda wigged me out.

He said he wasn't creepy and to prove it to me he proceeded to TEXT me a complete copy of his Resume...

Really...now that just got even creepier. I have never had a guy send me a copy of his Resume to prove to me that he was not creepy. I have never had a guy offer to show me his resume...what the hell does a resume have to do with if you are a creepster or not!? Seriously! Whatever...maybe I am just a complete bitch.

I told him that I would rather we end it and not take things farther....I didn't think we were a match anyway. He asked if we could be friends, and me being the anti-social person that I am passed on that options as well.

He has proceeded to text me at least 2 times a week since then...to this day. Just either with
"Hi" or "Are you still bothered by that" or "Can we be friends yet" or "How are you & Jake doing"

I never respond...don't need to lead him on...and it has been over 2 months.

Oh well, guess that wasn't romance in S. Florida...I am still on the "hunt" for a good many in this backasswards place. Maybe next time...but I I doubt it.

The 10th Annual Firefighter's 5K

This weekend, my girl and I did our 2nd race of the season, the Firefighters 5K.  After last weeks hill run and an insane week of training...I am sore...like SORE. I think my trainer is trying to kill me, but that is another blog for another time.

Usually when I go to races, I look like I just rolled out of bed...because I have. I roll out of bed, into cloths and off I go. However, my friend (who has her own make-up line) was practicing on me the day before and guys...I don't know if I can explain it to you, but she made me look so beautiful...I couldn't wash it all off. I left it on. LOL :) So I rolled up to the race looking like one sexy chick and then I proceed to CRUSH the race! LOL.

The run went along Hollywood beach, up into the neighborhoods and back around. I have run it a few times before (doing the whole boardwalk and neighborhoods not just part just on Sunday lazy days. ) and it really is a great run. But this time there was something different.

As we turn off the main boardwalk and head back into the neighborhoods, the trees start to in close in around us and suddenly you hear cats howling and fighting in the distance. The road shadows over and the sun disappears. "Ahhh, it will be nice and cool for a while" I  think to myself, but something strange is in the trees.  Everyone in front of me is looking up, so being the sheep when I run that I am look up as well and I feel the blood drain from my face and fall like lead into my feet. I start screaming at myself in my head...."Dear Mother of F'en God Run...Just RUN!!! As Fast as You Bloody Can".

Hundreds of what I now know are Banana Spiders had set up shop at the tops of the trees, stretching their webs from one side of the road to the other creating a canopy of GIANT SPIDERS!

no I hate spiders, like ice on my soul, death comes to quickly as they plot to weave me into a giant cocoon and feed me to their zillions of children...and above me was Satan's hell for me on earth.

My mind is screaming "GO FASTER You Dumb Bitch! FASTER, before they lasso you up to the canopy with their steel webs!"
My body is screaming "I CAN'T any Faster!? I think Her heart stopped...pretty sure she is in Shock! And the Dumb Bitches Feet kidnapped all the blood and they ain't giving it back!"
My feet are responding to the rest of my body with "You bitch now, but when one of those demon spiders spots us and tries to take us up into its web of death, you will be happy we have become lead weights!"

And then there is me...slowly turning around as I run forwards to where I am actually running backwards (going the right direction still, but my entire body is facing the other way and I am starring up into the sky screaming like a mad woman inside my head....coming up with ever different outcome of my death by giant spider.

Finally I circle back and start heading back out towards the boardwalk, I remain vigilant, waiting for the spiders to start attacking my fellow runners. I think to myself...must conserve my energy, because if they start warfear on us by dropping down on our heads. I must be ready. Looking around I spot 2 weaker looking woman a few feet behind me. I slow down so they can catch up, make no mistake folks, I will toss both them chicks to the spiders as a distracting while I try to get away.

However, no such sacrifice is needed as I hit the boardwalk. I realize that I have been holding my breath for most likely the entire time (locally really considering I didn't want to draw the evil spiders attention to me). I breath deep and start to sprint again....leaving the ally of pure venom behind me.

Now I focus back on the race...Shit...did I slow down to much and screw up my time. I hope now. I barrel towards the finish line. Both of the sacrificial lambs are still on my tail...time to lose them. I pick it up and give it that extra burst of energy I was saving in case a quick escape was needed from the Giant Spider attack and I finish strong. Breathing heavy for a change :)

Not only did I survive the Spider Apocalypse, but I managed to place and for the first time ever, I got a trophy! Not just a medal. I came in 2nd with a time of 23:17. Not my best time ever, but better than last week and not a bad time either way. And lets not forget...I was looking SEXY!

This was my 17 race of the year and one closer to my goal of 24!

The next race we are doing is the Miami Children's Hospital 5K. It will be one of our last races in Miami (basically anything farther than Amelia Park), getting up and driving the 35-45 min down there for a 23 min race isn't worth it. We have enough closer to home. So after a little discussing...if we haven't already signed up for it, we won't be doing it. Miami is just to far.  I know I have the ING and the Miami Beach, but beyond that...I think this will be the last 5K.

The Life of a Single Fit Girl

I don't really date much, not that I don't want to and cannot, but S. FL is full of guys that will say whatever they need to just to get into your pants, then proceed to be shocked that you felt lead-on or whatever. And considering my luck with guys in the past even when I do try (let's just say ZERO winners in my past) I don't bother. I don't have the time, energy or patients to deal with it anymore. 

Well the news of my singleness for over a year now has managed to get around a company full of people that I don't really talk to in general and definitely don't talk to about my personal life. 

Some have asked me out, others have asked why, a few offered to set me up, I even have one gentleman who often tells me he is praying for me to find a boyfriend so I don't have to be alone anymore...Oh joy! Just what I want. Lol. 

Anyway, this often leads to interesting comments, questions and discussions that I would honestly rather not be involved in. The latest conversations was a prime example: 

Co-worker asked: are a lot of guys too intimidated to ask you out? 

Me: umm, IDK, why?

Co-worker: cuz you're big, like your arms. they are almost the size as mine, but just more cut. 

Me: haha. Umm maybe, they don't ask me out. I don't really know.

Co-worker: so you wouldn't date a couch potato that has a beer gut. 

Me: umm, we wouldn't really have much in common, so probably not.

Co-worker: what if he had a really nice personality.

Me: but I focus a lot of my life on fitness, i'd want him to like that kinda stuff to so we could do some of it together. 

Co-worker: so you only date bodybuilder type big guys

Me: god no! Guys with my build.

Co-worker: oh ok. So now that you are all in shape & stuff, why do you keep working out? 

Me: really? 

Co-worker: yeah, are you ever gonna stop?

Me: No, I really enjoy working out & I wouldn't keep this body if I stopped exercising. 

Co-worker: oh ok. 

I'd think he was hitting on my but he's married, wife & kids. But so strange. Although, this is the same guy that said I look and dress like a dude a few months back. 

King of the Hill 5K - 2013

Running Season is finally back.

I don't know about many other places, but running from June through Aug is S. FL is horrible, just horrible. Even if you get up at 7 am and hit the road, sweat is running down your ass crack before you even hit the end of the block. You are looking up at the sky thinking to yourself, dear god do I really love running this much to endure the sun beating down on me for another hour slowly dehydrating my body and turning me in to a walking mummy that will most likely disintegrate and crumble into dust around mile 8, the answer...no. So even though there are still some races...there are not a lot.

Running season here is basically Sept 1 - May 31.

This year, we started the season off again with the King of the Hill 5K...again!

Now Florida is flat...since we are at sea level and don't run many hills around here, starting the season off with a hill run (even if it is an old land fill that they turned into a park) is a rough.


My goal was to finish this bitch without collapsing halfway up the hill sobbing uncontrollably as I curled up in the fetal position and begged for my mummy. Hell, besides my casual jogs with Jake, I hadn't RUN myself in about 2 months more than just 2-3 miles at a time....this was going to be brutal.

A group of about 4 of us signed up for the torture, amazing how badly humans seek out pain and suffering upon themselves.

The race started on time, which was a blessing because as I am standing at the start line, I can feel the sun and heat coming up and peeking over the tree line. The race starts and I feel good, knockout the first hill like a boss and proceed to pass people. Some slow bitch was jog/walking and I ran into her almost knocking her over...

**Side Note - DEAR GOD PEOPLE! If you are at a race, be it 5k or full marathon, and you plan on walking and chatting with your girlfriends while you pose for pictures...GET THE FUCK TO THE BACK OF THE LINE! For F sake, what do you think...you are going to walk a 6 min mile! NO BITCH! and you may not be competative, these races are competitive so GTF out of the way and take your walking ass to the back of the line so you don't get knocked over and then run over by a crap tone of competitive runners who are trying to get a new PR...just saying**

So anywho...after almost taking down a walker, I finally find my pace again and go...I am doing pretty well and start to think to myself...hey, not to shabby, I have already KO'ed 2 of the 4 hills, I can do this and maybe even get a pretty damn good time....until we circle around and I see the beginning of the 3rd hill. Its so nice of them to set it up that you run past the hill, have a half mile to think about it before circling back around to face it head on. So I spent the next 4 min thinking to myself...ugh, that hill, I remember that hill! Last year that hill almost killed me. (I was having so many issues with my heart rate going way to high and causing my chest to hurt that I almost didn't make it...problem solved with that by the way....no more unhealthy heart issues.)

When I got to the bottom of the hill, I looked up and surveyed my next challenge...this year. I was not going to let this hill kick my ass. I watched as runner after runner slowed down to a near walk as they scrabbled up the hill. Screw this I told myself and I started up. I will not slow down I told myself....High Knees High Knees. Breath Breath, get to the top of this thing....AGHHHHHH!
BAM...crushed it...kinda :)

However at the top, everyone was heading up over the top of the hill, through some grass and gravel and down the side of it...for some reason we were getting off the road. Different then last year, but heck...I guess I am a sheep. And apparently so is everyone else....we all go off track...but not like we are going to turn around now. We plowed through and to the finish line.

Although I didn't get a great PR and although I lost 2 min off my time over the summer....it was a hill run and I managed to slid into 2nd place. Actually it was a tie. We both came in 24:00, however my gun time was 24:07...she crossed the start line :07 before me. But whatever, I finished and I didn't die, I didn't give up and I didn't stop! WHOOHOO!!!

My next race is the Firefighters 5K next Sunday along Hollywood Beach, I am looking forward to it. hope I can get my time back down...I don't expect it to be where it was yet...but closer would be nice.

This was race number 16 of 2013 I will get to my goal of 24 for 2012 yet! :)