A Floridian Girls "Winter" Morning

I live in Florida, SOUTH Florida, and as a South Floridian I'm not use to it being below 65 (at night). We do get our "winter" down here. Usually a few weeks of low 50s high 40s (at night)...this is where we are right now. 

The awesome part is the AC is off for the month (maybe two) & we get to air out the house, plus my dog LOVES it (when he has his jacket on - spoiled mutt).

Last night it dropped into the low 40s this morning. After my morning walk with the dog, I was convinced I'd permanently lost feeling in my extremities. In my excitement to get warm, I decide to I burned the FUCK outta my mouth. 

Well that's not exactly how it happened. Bloody tea!! What was I thinking was, "oh, this feels nice in my hands. They are warming up slowly & regaining feeling, I should warm my insides up" 

Nope scorching agony as I scold the inside of my mouth & esophagus as I try to spit it out & swollow it at the same time. Anything to stop the pain. 

Now the I side off my mouth is swollen & I have taken up mumbling to communicate to the world. Oh joy. 

The Floridian's Winter

So what I love about Florida, well I guess there are so few things that it is pretty easy to guess. Yup you got it in one THE WEATHER! 

 That is right, these past few weeks while the rest of the US has been in negative temperatures and under like 10 feet of snow, I have been relaxing in a nice 80's. The fact that last weekend I got a TAN doing a race in January :)  that is why I moved here, and that is why I stay.

 It has actually just gotten cold today with a frosty 55! eeek!

But you can always tell the tourist this time of year. On a day like today, locals (people who have lived here long enough for their blood to thin) are dressed like they are in the arctic, gloves, scarfs, hats, thick coats with the fur around the hood, boots, wool socks...the works...it is 50 outside folks...don't forget. 

And I am not mocking them, no I am dressed just like them! I have thick pants on, even slipper socks on while at work under my heels. I wore 2 sweaters today to work plus a jumper! Nope, I am just like them...although I don't have the thick coat with the fur around the hood...I just can't bring myself to buy one when we only have about 5 days a year we could wear it and not look like a complete  idiot.

 Tourists on the other had are walking around in shorts, flip flops and shirts packing their coolers before heading off to the beach for an afternoon of 'catching some rays'. Just looking at them makes me cold! I am over here debating if I should buy a cheap space heater from Walmart and they are buying beach towels. 

We are not built for cold. Heck, there are places down here that doesn't even have heat! Even my dog wouldn't go outside this morning without his little coat on. He walked outside when I put his leash on and turned right back around and went in the house. He gave me this look that basically said "HELL NO bitch it is cold out there, I need my jacket!"

 Then I get to work and see some girls walking through the lobby in short short short shorts and summer light weight shirts with sandals.

 I am convinced that our blood just thins living down here, because even as I type this, my fingers have gone numb...and I have to go get tea so I can hold my cup and warm them up!

 But that is us Floridians.....

The Fall of Facebook

I remember when Facebook came out, I was already on MySpace (oh yes MySpace), I was in college and social media was just amazing!! So new, awesome posts, awesome updates, a great place to express yourself,  people would post the funniest things and I would check it constantly....

As I got older my step mum joined...and my aunts and uncles...and then my grandparents and they all wanted to friend me. Dear GOD we are family, isn't that enough. But you can't ignore them forever, they would ask "why haven't you accepted my friend request yet" and I realized...ummm this may not be the place I want to go to post things about my personal life anymore.

I did eventually friend them and put them ALL into a restricted group, along with my co-workers and the random people that I would run into a few times at the bar and become acquaintances with. I block them from pretty much everything, and for a while Facebook went back to being a fun way to keep up with my friends.

And then companies wanted to know your social media profiles and they began to use it as a way to dig into your personal life and cross over that line between work and personal. Thankfully my privacy walls were already up full force thanks to the family invasion that had happened earlier

A few more year pass and Facebook, and probably myself and my friends become lame (they get married, have kids, no more wild parts and hilarious weekend extravaganza posts) and I slow began to lose interest.  

Now I get on Facebook about once a day, just in the hopes that someone posted something good. I scroll down the news feed for about 3 minutes while I take my morning crap and then I am done for the day....at least with my personal page. 

 Lucky me, I get to go to work and handle the social media for my job, which is kinda cool...considering how much Facebook (and so many other social media sites) have either given up, fallen victim or just sold out the the business world. 

 Sadly, No one posts anything relevant...just pictures of their pathetic kids (and lets get real people, no one cares about your kids...only you and your parents) or re-posts from other pages, and not other peoples pages, but other promotional pages, news pages, celebrity pages, fitness pages, TV show pages, etc. Lets be real, We ALL hate those re-posts of other sites. It seems that is all people do all the time. Every time I see one I just think to myself. If I wanted to see that shit, I would follow that page...come up with something original or don't post at all. And then I log out of Facebook and onto something else. 

Sadly, this isn't Facebooks fault. it is the people on Facebook. They actually think that you are going to like something and NOT already be following it and it suddenly becomes their obligation to shove it down your throat! WHAT JOY!

So that is how I have seen Facebook fall since I joined way, way, way back in College.

The Lane Change Game

So I have decided. Although the un-uses of a blinker irritates me. I have come to the conclusion that it is in fact a tactical movement to not use them.

In South Florida (and I am sure many other places) when signaling you are going to get over a lane does not actually make it easier for you to change lanes.

Instead it alerts the person in the lane that you are attempting to get into & in front of about your plan. Which just causes them to speed up to ensure you cannot get over leaving you trapped in your current lane.

So see, if you hadn't told them of your plan, you would be happily in your lane instead of passing your exit & getting pissed. Just saying...it's all about aggressive tactical driving abs not being just being a dick driver.

Morning Radio "News"??

On my morning commute, I normal listen to npr, but this morning I was feeling a little drowsy, so when they started talking about research on sleep patterns I though maybe I would change the station, listen to some music, wake myself up. Switching over to The Beat (a local hip hop station) I land on a segment about celebrity rumors. Not my thing, but I figured it wouldn't make me spend my ride to work thinking about my bed & sleeping.

It spent time telling me how Khloe & Lamar had split up and how Khloe had moved on to a baseball played.

OK, not sure how this information is relevant to me in anyway...heck all I wanted was some upbeat music to wake me up during my morning commute...

Then suddenly I hear them saying how Khloe is a smart hoe & it's a new trend for hoe's to get smart & hook up w/ baseball players because they have guaranteed contracts (aka lots of money), and some woman (I don't know who) was smart for getting knocked up by a baseball player & getting him on lock down or whatever. I learnt that women are now all gold diggers, they just date these men for their money & apparently women should be proud of that fact....oh wait, sorry, us hoes should be proud & those hoes not in that position should aspire to be. 

What the hell am I listening to?!!!? Really...so in the less then five min I was on this station, women were referred to as hoe's. Any woman dating an athlete is a hoe. Basically I'm getting all women are hoes. Getting knocked up by a baseball player is smarter then any other athlete...and I just can't say how many things were wrong w/ that short segment I just listened to. 

I switched back to NPR. Listening to research on a sleep study beats the hell outta listening to a generalization about women = hoes & gold diggers. 

And I'm glad I did, the sleep segment was very interesting. 

Tonbridge U.K. 5K - AKA The Run of the Ice Age

While on vacation in the UK (attending the Doctor Who 50th Celebration & visiting family), I decided it would be fun to sign up & do a 5K. You know, different weather, different terrain, why not, I can't do all my running on Florida flats forever. Hell our idea of a hill is over a bridge!!

So after some looking around I came across this site, ParkRun.org. They offer weekly FREE 5Ks all over Great Britain! 

*Can I just say, why the hell don't we offer that in the US? Free weekly runs would be awesome!*

I find a local one near my Uncle, I send him a quick email to make sure he'd be available to take me and I sign up...ready for my first run outside the U.S.

We land in England & for a girl who has spent the last 5 years in Florida where it doesn't get below 50 year round I almost died walking off that plane! Now I have lived in upstate NY, the Mountains of VA & the wasteland of STL MO, but being in S. FL has spoiled me!! I remembered in theory what cold was, but my body had forgotten! 

I did try to run almost every day of my trip. I even managed to get a 2 mile run done in the middle of London (Kings Cross) which I'm sure caused a few people to look. But once we got to my families (Burgess Hill) I found a nice 5 like route that even passed by a park so I could do push ups, jumping jacks, Burpees, squats etc. being on vacation is no reason to get lazy.

So race day finally rolled around I was pretty sure I was ready to do this. I didn't expect a PR, but I was confident I would do OK. I'd talked my cousin Kim into doing it with me. One of the real nice things...the race started at 9:30 am, so no 5 am wake up call. But it was cold & wet & muddy!!! And I was decked out in a long sleeve rash guard and long runner compression pants (Skins - love them) and everyone around me was in shorts and shirts. Were they mad? Was I mad? What was going on here, because it was cold...like COLD! I wasn't a complete mad hatter as my cousin also had cold weather running apparel on, but dear god these other people, completely loons if you ask me!

The race started off fine. Only a 5K quick and dirty full on run it out race, but about a mile in this Florida girl started to feel it.

First my noes & fingers went. No worries, you don't need that to run. 

Then my toes stated to numb and the little voice inside my head asking why I was running in sub zero temperatures started to get louder and louder until she was SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER AT ME. By the time I hit the turn to circle back every breath I took racked the back of my throat & in pure agony. I was terrified to spit encase I'd see blood! Yes that's right, I'd convinced myself that the cold air had ripped apart my insides & I swore I could taste the blood trickling down my throat into my esophagus and down to my tummy.

But that wasn't the worst. Besides being 85% sure at least one toe had fallen off  if not two, I could no longer feel my legs. At any moment I was going to topple forward, over roll over, & see my legs burying themselves under some dead leaves for warmth. I kept checking to not only make sure they were still there but also still moving & not just bricks of ice.

WELL YOU BETTER PICK IT UP NOW YOU MORON the voice inside my head kept screaming at me and all I could do was respond with, "I can't pick it up, I only have 9 toes and am losing blood at what I am sure is a very disturbing rate inside my mouth!"

Pushing myself forward I knew I was almost there, and crossing the finish line I wanted to just keep running to a car...with the heat on full blast...and just sit in it, never to emerge again!

But I did well, I actually managed to come in 2nd Female and 1st in my age group. No prizes or medals or anything, but the fact that when I did take off my shoes and check I had all 10 toes was prize enough.

I love the fact that I did a race outside the U.S. and I hope to do many more all over the world, but I will have to remember that not everywhere has weather like we do in South Florida! 

Classic Chloé Moments - Me v/s TV

I seem spend my life on the go go go. I never seem to stop moving, so last night when I finally had a plan free evening to relax w/ Jakearoni & my TV I was stocked! 

Saturday had been a long day for me already, I was up at 6 am for the Fight for Air 5K (which I crushed btw) then it was off to work. Did a little BJJ training, then taught kickboxing, Dim Sum w/ my friend...let's just say I needed a "do nothing" evening.

I got a bottle of mid-grade Pinot Noir (I'm a broke girl), cooked up a delicious chicken dinner & sank into my couch of lost hope. I flipped on the TV & started catching up on my way too full DVR, shows going back 2-3 weeks, it was gonna be a good night. 

But you know me, I can't sit still for too long before the box of Halloween decorations that I pulled out of the closet earlier was starting to stare at me. So after failing to ignore it, I got up and figured I would just set up a few of the decoration around the house...get the season started. 

After about an hour...somehow the decorations led to sweeping and moping the floor, dusting everything in sight and of course cleaning up all the dishes, I was feeling done & grabbed my now second glass of wine and sat back down. 

Suddenly my AT&T remote wasn't working. 

WTF!? Did I somehow un-program it while in my cleaning frenzy? OK, no problem...I go to the remote setup. Manual..input all the codes...volume still not working. Odd. I try the automatic remote setup...volume still not working. Curious. I tried all the codes again...volume still not working. Bizzar. I look at the remote...it's an S4, set up says it is for a S1 thur S3 series, so I Google it...maybe I'm missing something. Nope, S4 series is also like S1-S3. So I try the automatic set up again. Nada. Seriously. I try the codes yet a-fucking-gain...volume still not working. 

By this time, I'm starting to get pissed. Are the batteries dying? Is this new remote ATT sent 2 weeks ago already jacked up (my last one finally died and I had to replace it)? Is my TV evil? Does God hate me!!!???

So I change the batteries...nothing. 
Starting to convince myself that I am just missing something obvious, I grab the TV remote...& this is where things get twisted...the TV remote is also not working. What The Hell Is Going On!!!??? I never use the TV remote...batteries are fresh in BOTH remotes. Yup I am going mad.

Well my night has gone from relaxing to frustrating. I can still stop, pause, fast forward, view recordings, turn the TV on & off...screw it. My second glass of wine quickly turns into a third as I get more and more obsessed with this freaking remote. I can't relax, it is just driving me crazy, why is the volume not working. I worked an hour ago. 

Knowing that I am working myself towards a psychotic break, I force myself to give up. I don't know, maybe it will randomly start working again tomorrow. I find the volume on the actual TV, adjust it & after an HOUR AND HALF of messing with it. I just watch TV. By now it's 10:30 & I'm falling asleep on the couch so I sleep walk myself to bed. Plus, I can't stop thinking about the dame remote!

This morning after my run I sit on the couch to enjoy my tea & watch some news before heading to the gym. 

The volume is STILL NOT WORKING. As I quickly dust around my TV (yes, I like things clean..so what) something hits me...I put a Halloween decoration right in front if the center of the TV. A foam zombie zone sign...could that be blocking the censor? 

Test...yup..facepalm. IDIOT! 

Classic Chloe! 

Handywoman I am Not

Nothing like sitting watching TV in your living room when the overhead light suddenly goes out. 

Saved by the light glow from the TV, I carefully navigate to the closet to retrieve a new light bulb. Carrying the step-stool in one hand, light bulb in the other & a screwdriver in my mouth, I am proud to report that I only step on 2 dog  bones on my way back. 

I put the stool down, put on the kitchen light, fat lotta good that did as it only illuminates the kitchen sending no light around the corner to the living room where I am trapped in darkness. 

Realizing that this is going to be a blind mission, I head up the stool. I unscrew the glass dome around the light...change it, feeling much like a handywoman only to be rewarded with continuous darkness. 

Back and forth I go, light bulb, switch, switch, light bulb, am I missing something...5 min pass light, switch, switch, light....Check the fuse box...they all seem to be switched on. try a new light bulb, switch, light bulb, switch, new light bulb switch, fuse box again, switch again,...fuck, it's gadda be the wiring in the overhead ceiling fan. I believe I will need a new one. 

Fuck it, after the AC ordeal this week, I'm beyond stressed & tired & drained!!! I'm pouring a glass of wine & watching family guy in the dark! Screw it, I will just get a new bloody fan when the weekend (and payday) rolls around.

Off to work the next day, I leave my roommate with a note saying that something is wrong with the ceiling fan and I will get a new one this weekend. I spend the entire day venting about how frustrated I am that the stupid light when out and how I not only changed the light bulb and it didn't work, but I tried an entire box of light bulbs...so logical conclusion...it is the fan. 

I look on Lowe's and The Home Depot, getting prices for fans and budgeting out how much I have left after my AC leaked all over the place and I had to get someone in to do apparently what should be done yearly. Not much left in the bank, but I can't spend the next month in darkness ever time I am home. 

So Friday night finally rolls around and I plan to go tomorrow after training to The Home Depot, I figured out what one I was going to get and it was on sale and I was just going to bite the bullet and do without the luxury of extra food for the next week. 

A few friends come over for a Friday night nightcap and I am still on and on about this bloody ceiling fan and how frustrated I am at the whole situation, in between laughs one of my friends says, well did you try switching the fuse off and then on again.

Stunned that this is really an option obviously I had not. My friend goes to the fuse box, turns the switch off and then back on again and miraculously the light shines bright! Seriously, did I just sit in the dark for pretty much a week because of this. DEAR GOD, sometimes I swear I am a blond trapped in a brunettes body! How did no one think to suggest this to me before? 

Sometimes I wonder how I manage to even get dressed in the morning. So after this week, I realized Handywoman I am not...but I kinda already knew that one.  

The Draw of the Ice Machine....

Usually it is so cold at work I have on long pants, slippers, 2 sweaters and a long sleeve shirt and I am still cold!   for some reason...and out of the ordinary, it is really hot in our office.

Well, we have a large commercial ice machine at work. it is out in the hangar and the line guys use it. Today when I went to put ice in my water bottle, because I am so blinking hot (note - I don't have all those layers on, today, thankfully just a fall dress. still warm, but it could be worse). I find myself standing in front of the ice machine with the lid open looking into it with longing.

The ice machine is 2/3 empty and all I can think to myself is....I wonder if I could just climb in, would any one notice, I could fit in there, just close the lid...take a little nap. God that would feel so good right now. Ugh it is so hot in my office. I look around. It is so hot in this hangar. My eyes wonder back to the ice... I feel myself reaching down towards the ice cubes... thinking,  I could take off my shoes first so the ice doesn't get dirty...

Really Chloe, taking off your shoes to keep the ice from getting dirty, you would be crawling into an ice machine and closing the lid.

Sometimes the things that wonder though my head just make me wonder how sane I

The night without rest....

So last night was the worst night! I am so tired today:

I went for a run....5.5 miles Came home and stated cooking dinner

My friend came by around 8:45 to drop off his dog, Roxy...I was thinking I could be in bed by 10...body hurts and I am so tired!

He hung around until 11:45! I was so tried. I finally said. "Ok well I am going to bed" I didn't want to be rude, but damn I was tired!

Get the dogs upstairs, get dogs calmed down, brush my teeth, shower, crawl exhausted into bed...12:20

2 am ... Fire Alarm battery dies. Beep.....Beep....Beep....I get up and have to find which one it is and pull it down. both the dogs are up, and confused, going up and down the stairs.

4 am ... Neighbor kid comes home with music blaring... Wakes me up and of course the dogs! Roxy and Jake go to bark at him...I get up and get them back in the house and calmed down...Everything is OK guys!

6:30 am ... Roxy, goes outside to bark at all the Neighbors walking their dogs and going to work.

I finally get up and shower.... 7:00 am.

I feel like I haven't gotten any sleep...but I bet I know what Jake and Roxy are doing today...SLEEPING!