The Floridian's Winter

So what I love about Florida, well I guess there are so few things that it is pretty easy to guess. Yup you got it in one THE WEATHER! 

 That is right, these past few weeks while the rest of the US has been in negative temperatures and under like 10 feet of snow, I have been relaxing in a nice 80's. The fact that last weekend I got a TAN doing a race in January :)  that is why I moved here, and that is why I stay.

 It has actually just gotten cold today with a frosty 55! eeek!

But you can always tell the tourist this time of year. On a day like today, locals (people who have lived here long enough for their blood to thin) are dressed like they are in the arctic, gloves, scarfs, hats, thick coats with the fur around the hood, boots, wool socks...the works...it is 50 outside folks...don't forget. 

And I am not mocking them, no I am dressed just like them! I have thick pants on, even slipper socks on while at work under my heels. I wore 2 sweaters today to work plus a jumper! Nope, I am just like them...although I don't have the thick coat with the fur around the hood...I just can't bring myself to buy one when we only have about 5 days a year we could wear it and not look like a complete  idiot.

 Tourists on the other had are walking around in shorts, flip flops and shirts packing their coolers before heading off to the beach for an afternoon of 'catching some rays'. Just looking at them makes me cold! I am over here debating if I should buy a cheap space heater from Walmart and they are buying beach towels. 

We are not built for cold. Heck, there are places down here that doesn't even have heat! Even my dog wouldn't go outside this morning without his little coat on. He walked outside when I put his leash on and turned right back around and went in the house. He gave me this look that basically said "HELL NO bitch it is cold out there, I need my jacket!"

 Then I get to work and see some girls walking through the lobby in short short short shorts and summer light weight shirts with sandals.

 I am convinced that our blood just thins living down here, because even as I type this, my fingers have gone numb...and I have to go get tea so I can hold my cup and warm them up!

 But that is us Floridians.....

South Florida Drivers = A DAMN TRIP

 Driving in South Florida is seriously a trip. This is like a melting pot from people all over the world, and many of them should not have licences to begin with and even more are uninsured!

I have lived all over the country, and Florida is in the top 3 worst places to drive! People down here are seriously insane!

1. We have young people fresh from the islands and South America that hop off a plane and into a car without a second thought and many of them do not speak English. I don't understand how you are going to read all our street signs and highway alerts if you don't know the language...you don't. I don't go to France or Italy hop in a car and drive around!
2. We have (like everywhere) a bunch of stupid teenage drivers who have had their license for less than 6 months. Um if your kid is not getting As & Bs in cars, they are probably not smart enough to drive around a 2 ton death trap...just saying. High school is so not that hard. I slept though half of it and didn't even go to the other half and graduate in the top percentile of my class!
3. Being that this is truly the snowbird state, we have a bunch of blue haired old woman and men who can't even see over the steering wheel, do 45 on the highway in the fast lane and leave their blinker on for hours!You can see how much of a snowbird state this is by checking out my blog My Evil Mind about my flight back from New Jersey in the beginning of winter. OMG.
4. Well damn, South Florida is a big area. We have a lot of people crammed into this wonderful paradise! Who doesn't want to live here, the beaches, the sun, the men! But a lot of people just means a lot of stupid people who shouldn't have a licence to begin with. I swear we should A) not provide drivers test in multiple languages and B) not make it so damn easy C) Not let you keep taking it even though you have failed 50 times! DAMN MAN!
5. And don't even get me started on the school buses and construction..ugh...

I could list for ages about how everywhere...and especially here have horrible drivers...but I'm leaving my main point behind.....

So when my friend sent me this email about Florida drivers, I had to share!  I wish I knew who had come up with this list originally, because I would give them props, but sadly...I do not :(

Driving in South Florida

1. First, you must learn how to pronounce the name; it is "FLAAAAARIDA".

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On I-95 your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less is grounds to run you off the road while giving you the finger.

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Florida has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, SUV cell phone-talking-soccer moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.

 

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Florida. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting

8. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been accidentally activated.

9. Merge means race like a madman and cut the person in line off or better yet --- run them off the road.

10. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands and generously apply suntan lotion on your left arm.

11. If you are going to yell anything out the window, make sure it is in Spanish or Creole.

 I wish I could just give a thumbs up to every single one of those! Cuz damn so true, so sad, so funny

Really don't mess with us. South Florida is CRAZY! Hell we just had a man eat another persons face off!!!  :)