Driving in South Florida is seriously a trip. This is like a melting pot from people all over the world, and many of them should not have licences to begin with and even more are uninsured!
- We have young people fresh from the islands and South America that hop off a plane and into a car without a second thought and many of them do not speak English. I don't understand how you are going to read all our street signs and highway alerts if you don't know the language...you don't. I don't go to France or Italy hop in a car and drive around!
- We have (like everywhere) a bunch of stupid teenage drivers who have had their license for less than 6 months. Um if your kid is not getting As & Bs in cars, they are probably not smart enough to drive around a 2 ton death trap...just saying. High school is so not that hard. I slept though half of it and didn't even go to the other half and graduate in the top percentile of my class!
- Being that this is truly the snowbird state, we have a bunch of blue haired old woman and men who can't even see over the steering wheel, do 45 on the highway in the fast lane and leave their blinker on for hours!You can see how much of a snowbird state this is by checking out my blog My Evil Mind about my flight back from New Jersey in the beginning of winter. OMG.
- Well damn, South Florida is a big area. We have a lot of people crammed into this wonderful paradise! Who doesn't want to live here, the beaches, the sun, the men! But a lot of people just means a lot of stupid people who shouldn't have a licence to begin with. I swear we should A) not provide drivers test in multiple languages and B) not make it so damn easy C) Not let you keep taking it even though you have failed 50 times! DAMN MAN!
- And don't even get me started on the school buses and construction..ugh...
I could list for ages about how everywhere...and especially here have horrible drivers...but I'm leaving my main point behind.....
So when my friend sent me this email about Florida drivers, I had to share! I wish I knew who had come up with this list originally, because I would give them props, but sadly...I do not :(
Driving in South Florida
1. First, you must learn how to pronounce the name; it is
"FLAAAAARIDA".
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The
evening rush hour is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday
morning.
3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85
mph. On I-95 your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less
is grounds to run you off the road while giving you the finger.
4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Florida
has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go
second. However, SUV cell phone-talking-soccer moms ALWAYS have the right of
way.
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be
rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.
6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another
offense that can get you shot.
7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in
Florida. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during
the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more
exciting
8. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them
to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been accidentally
activated.
9. Merge means race like a madman and cut the person in
line off or better yet --- run them off the road.
10. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders
on your hands and generously apply suntan lotion on your left
arm.
11. If you are going to yell anything out the window, make
sure it is in Spanish or Creole.
I wish I could just give a thumbs up to every single one of those! Cuz damn so true, so sad, so funny
Really don't mess with us. South Florida is CRAZY! Hell we just had a man eat another persons face off!!! :)
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