The Lane Change Game

So I have decided. Although the un-uses of a blinker irritates me. I have come to the conclusion that it is in fact a tactical movement to not use them.

In South Florida (and I am sure many other places) when signaling you are going to get over a lane does not actually make it easier for you to change lanes.

Instead it alerts the person in the lane that you are attempting to get into & in front of about your plan. Which just causes them to speed up to ensure you cannot get over leaving you trapped in your current lane.

So see, if you hadn't told them of your plan, you would be happily in your lane instead of passing your exit & getting pissed. Just saying...it's all about aggressive tactical driving abs not being just being a dick driver.

Morning Radio "News"??

On my morning commute, I normal listen to npr, but this morning I was feeling a little drowsy, so when they started talking about research on sleep patterns I though maybe I would change the station, listen to some music, wake myself up. Switching over to The Beat (a local hip hop station) I land on a segment about celebrity rumors. Not my thing, but I figured it wouldn't make me spend my ride to work thinking about my bed & sleeping.

It spent time telling me how Khloe & Lamar had split up and how Khloe had moved on to a baseball played.

OK, not sure how this information is relevant to me in anyway...heck all I wanted was some upbeat music to wake me up during my morning commute...

Then suddenly I hear them saying how Khloe is a smart hoe & it's a new trend for hoe's to get smart & hook up w/ baseball players because they have guaranteed contracts (aka lots of money), and some woman (I don't know who) was smart for getting knocked up by a baseball player & getting him on lock down or whatever. I learnt that women are now all gold diggers, they just date these men for their money & apparently women should be proud of that fact....oh wait, sorry, us hoes should be proud & those hoes not in that position should aspire to be. 

What the hell am I listening to?!!!? Really...so in the less then five min I was on this station, women were referred to as hoe's. Any woman dating an athlete is a hoe. Basically I'm getting all women are hoes. Getting knocked up by a baseball player is smarter then any other athlete...and I just can't say how many things were wrong w/ that short segment I just listened to. 

I switched back to NPR. Listening to research on a sleep study beats the hell outta listening to a generalization about women = hoes & gold diggers. 

And I'm glad I did, the sleep segment was very interesting. 

South Florida Drivers = A DAMN TRIP

 Driving in South Florida is seriously a trip. This is like a melting pot from people all over the world, and many of them should not have licences to begin with and even more are uninsured!

I have lived all over the country, and Florida is in the top 3 worst places to drive! People down here are seriously insane!

1. We have young people fresh from the islands and South America that hop off a plane and into a car without a second thought and many of them do not speak English. I don't understand how you are going to read all our street signs and highway alerts if you don't know the language...you don't. I don't go to France or Italy hop in a car and drive around!
2. We have (like everywhere) a bunch of stupid teenage drivers who have had their license for less than 6 months. Um if your kid is not getting As & Bs in cars, they are probably not smart enough to drive around a 2 ton death trap...just saying. High school is so not that hard. I slept though half of it and didn't even go to the other half and graduate in the top percentile of my class!
3. Being that this is truly the snowbird state, we have a bunch of blue haired old woman and men who can't even see over the steering wheel, do 45 on the highway in the fast lane and leave their blinker on for hours!You can see how much of a snowbird state this is by checking out my blog My Evil Mind about my flight back from New Jersey in the beginning of winter. OMG.
4. Well damn, South Florida is a big area. We have a lot of people crammed into this wonderful paradise! Who doesn't want to live here, the beaches, the sun, the men! But a lot of people just means a lot of stupid people who shouldn't have a licence to begin with. I swear we should A) not provide drivers test in multiple languages and B) not make it so damn easy C) Not let you keep taking it even though you have failed 50 times! DAMN MAN!
5. And don't even get me started on the school buses and construction..ugh...

I could list for ages about how everywhere...and especially here have horrible drivers...but I'm leaving my main point behind.....

So when my friend sent me this email about Florida drivers, I had to share!  I wish I knew who had come up with this list originally, because I would give them props, but sadly...I do not :(

Driving in South Florida

1. First, you must learn how to pronounce the name; it is "FLAAAAARIDA".

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On I-95 your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less is grounds to run you off the road while giving you the finger.

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Florida has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, SUV cell phone-talking-soccer moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.

 

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Florida. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting

8. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been accidentally activated.

9. Merge means race like a madman and cut the person in line off or better yet --- run them off the road.

10. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands and generously apply suntan lotion on your left arm.

11. If you are going to yell anything out the window, make sure it is in Spanish or Creole.

 I wish I could just give a thumbs up to every single one of those! Cuz damn so true, so sad, so funny

Really don't mess with us. South Florida is CRAZY! Hell we just had a man eat another persons face off!!!  :)