Bathroom Hide-out

Sometime I just get stressed at work and I need to escape...lately, ok for a while now...my escape has been the bathroom. I know, bathrooms are dirty places, but usually in the middle of the afternoon the place is empty (and out janitor cleans it like 5 times a day) 

Anyway, when I get stressed, I rush off to go use the facilities & I take my phone with me. This is because one of my co-workers lost her brand new iPhone 5 when someone stole it off her desk while she went to the bathroom. So to avoid this happening (hopefully) I take mine with me. 

Now I don't hide out for long, usually just 2-3 min. A chance to breath, clear my mind, focus & go back to work. While in there I busy myself on my phone, check emails, social media, etc. But I found that I have been getting trapped in the bathroom. 

Trapped you ask? 

Yup, while I'm sitting on the pot other people come in & start talking or use the bathroom themselves, and I find that I don't want to come out & expose my dirty little secret of bathroom stall hiding...so I wait until they are gone. I sit silently, trying not to make a sound so they don't know I'm there. 

Because of this I found myself trapped the other day for 10 min while two people came in & stated randomly chatting about their weekend plans. I kept looking through the slots in the door waiting for them to use the facilities & leave but no, the never did. They never turned on the water either. 

So I'm sitting, quietly on the pot, ever thankful my phone is on silent...eventually I think they have gone, so now I find myself grooving on the filthy floor trying to look under the stale for feet. 

Realizing the cost is clear, I quickly vacate the stall, wash my hands & tip-toe out. I don't want anyone to catch me exiting the bathroom either! 

I must be the only person insane enough to hide in the bathroom because I don't want people to realize I'm using the stale as a hideout! 

Anyway...that's one of my strange dirty little secrets. 

Women's Self Defense

It's hard out there...the world is not some happy-go-lucky lollipop land. It's bad, people are evil & for a woman...it's not safe.

We have all heard the stats about how many woman get attacked, mugged, rapped, and more and they are not pretty numbers. I'm sure every girl I know, including myself, could tell you at least one story. 

Because of that & regardless of the face I take Kickboxing & workout, when my Kung Fu school offered a FREE Women's Self Defense Class Saturday I signed right up, and I'm glad I did. 

A bunch of the guys I train with volunteered their day to come in and be out test subjects. 

We (the woman) learnt many basic moves and escapes to help in different situations. We learnt a few different hits to the jaw/noes & ear, we learnt how to escape a grab from behind but most importantly we we given the opportunity to learn how to get away from a man trying to grab us & hold us down. 

You can think it's easy or that it won't happen to you, but lets be real...unless your Ronda Rousey you should probably do a defense class, because it's not as easy as it looks. 

I tried to escape a few time from a potential attack from a man. Once I used repeated open hand/cupped to ear move & again a foot to the face. And I don't care how big the guy is...a full foot planted hard into his face should daze him long enough for you to run...because your ultimate goal is to run away for help!!! 

Personally being trapped under the guys, even though I knew them &  knew they were not going to hurt me...was still scary. I'm strong, but I'm still a female & physical all of them are bigger & stronger then me! 

If you ever get the chance to take a defense class, free or paid, don't pass it up. It's safer to know & be aware then to let something happen to you. And if you live in the South Florida area, I would encourage you to check out John Wai Kung Fu in Plantation & find out the next time they are offering the class. 

I don't worry every time I walk to my car at night...but I'm confident & every one should have that! 

The Aerosol Hairspray Incident...

So we usually have deodorant at work in our bathrooms....and hair spray, lotion, mouth wash & tampons. It's a bit clammy in here today since the AC has been on the fritz. I'm not sweating & I'm in a dress, so I'm not super hot, but I went to use the restroom & while washing my hands I figured, um, I should just spray some on...just to be safe. 

So I unzip the front of my dress thinking. I shoulda gone into the handicap stall...knowing my luck someone will walk in.  To late now to go for the bathroom stall, I spray under my left arm. Something doesn't smell quite right...I look down. 

Apparently I had proceeded to spray hairspray on my armpit.

I look around. The deodorant isn't there...we musta run out. 

Seriously! Now my left armpit is super sticky. 

Water you say: 

I thought about it...but didn't want to leave the front of my dress unzipped any longer. Or wipe off the deodorant that's already...now...plastered to my armpit. 

What's Your Therapy

Like many people out there, I stress  everyday. My co-workers, my job, my bills, hell everything! I sometimes feel like the walls are closing in around me & I'm just gasping...trying to keep from drowning as the little things in life continue to pile up, slowly suffocating me. 

To escape and find a single moment of peace, some people drink, some people smoke, some people take drugs...me, my escape is exercise. I think without it I'd go crazy! 

I wake up every morning & the first thing that passes through my mind is, "What workout do I have tonight?" "How far can I run this evening?" "What trail am I going to use?"

Before I started working out on a regular bases, I was a very angry person...now I know I can take out my frustration, anger, aggression & even depression on "the bag" :-)

I tell myself, stay calm Chloe, in just 3 hours you can beat the crap out of the heavy bag. 

I guess we all have our methods of dealing with life, but finding therapy in the gym, the road or on the bag...exercise has always been my best outlet. 

My Relationship

So this is my new motto, because lets face it...why bother anymore. I know its going to end before it even starts. I don't feel like wasting my time anymore.

Lies & Manipulation

"When a guy sends mixed signals to a girl  it take a toll on her psychological wellbeing, you wanna know why girls act crazy, take a look at the guy she's dating, then you'll really see some crazy! trust me" - Mike Tyson

I have had the worst luck with relationships over my lifetime. Some have been worse than others, but none of them can I really look back upon and say, that was a good relationship…to bad it ended.

Instead I have always been very guarded, letting people in just enough, but keeping myself shielded off for when they inevitable will do…hurt me…so that I will be able to get over it.

Well about 4 months ago, I finally did, after much contemplation and debate let someone in, a friend of mine that I had known for a while. One of our mutual friends actually brought it to my attention that he liked me almost a year before I actually considered it, but at the time I was involved in my latest dead-end relationship that I knew was going nowhere fast.  

Well obviously, the dead-end relationship ended, only for me to find out that it wasn’t really a relationship. I apparently had been the only one to believe that I was actually in a relationship, even though I am pretty sure (100% sure) that we had talked about it. But I hadn’t been to open and involved in the relationship so I didn’t really mind too much when it ended. Like I said…this is me, I didn’t expect anything from that dead-end relationship.

Anywho, I continued to go about my life. Single. Training. Running. Enjoying. Even though I was now single I didn’t see the point pick up another dead-end relationship with my friend, someone younger than me, who obviously wouldn’t know what he really wanted and for a few more logical reason. Yes, I found him attractive and though he was kinda nice, and yes we were into the same things, but I know my luck…it’s me, relationships always end badly – mostly with me getting hurt. So we just remained friends.  Eventually he left to go take care of some family stuff up in Central Florida, which ended the possibility anyway…right?

One night, after a few to many drinks, I was talking to him while he was still in Central Florida and I mentioned that “yes I liked him” and I admitted the reason that I had been cautious about telling him before was that his was young, and didn’t know what he wanted and that we trained together and if something happened it would make things awkward.

Well you know how guys are, I got the BS: all my friends are older then me line and a bunch of other crap lines. But again, he was in Central Florida so what does it matter right. A few months go by…2 or 3 and then one day I am in kickboxing and in he walks. I had no idea that he was coming back, I asked him why he didn’t tell me. He said he wanted to surprise me and surprise me he did. My girl said my face light up like it was Christmas. Because yes there were all those reasons as to why, but I did like the boy damnit! LOL

So we start hanging out, but I didn’t know about letting him in, I don’t want to get hurt and I don’t want to hurt him and all of those issues about his age and the fact that we train together keep running around in the back of my head. But the more we hung out, the more I realized how much we got along and how good we were together. All those things that I hate in relationships and problems I have, he didn’t provide any of them. It was just easy and for the first time I actually started to consider maybe just maybe letting someone in.

After talking to him and listening to the things (lines) he feed me, I did drop my guard. Faster and farther down then I have ever dropped my guard before. I opened myself up and made myself completely and utterly 100% venerable.

Big Freaking Mistake!

Of course…this is me we are talking about, so you know exactly what happened. It ended. Badly. To be honest it still hurts to think about it. I am not yet ready to say how it ended, but not well. And I don't know if I will fully recover from this one. As I said, I've been hurt a lot before,  but never lead on and screwed over so badly by a friend & lover. I think he pretty much took the last trust I had.

I know people say that I’ll get over it, but I also know me. It took me so much to open up to him. The stuff that he told me, I have never been so lied to & lead on in my life by a friend and let’s face it, if a friend can do that so easily to me....shit.

I still can’t get over the BS crap that he said to me. If I was that type of person I would tell you all the crap he said to me. Because it is all still there in my phone via txt messages and Facebook messages, but to be honest, it would just hurt too much and I am trying to keep from feeling anymore pain right now.

It just makes me so angry. How stupid was I to actually believer him & trust him! I though he was my friend. I thought he was a good honest person. I didn't realize how much of a snake he was lying to my face so easily, in front of all our friends. Completely uncaring of any pain that he knew he was going to cause me. 

I'm mad at him, but I guess in all reality I'm really mad at myself for falling for another guy who ended up being no different than any of the other ones. For letting my guard down and actually opening up and for just the plain fact that I didn't see it! WTF is wrong w/ me?! Do I have a giant flashing sign on my forehead that says "gullible loser...screw over here"

I has been a few weeks…usually I would be so over it right now, but I swear to god I'm fucking broken. I think that I am just one of those people who is destine to not be in a relationship. That is ok right, there is always bag therapy!

Sadly, I don't think I will ever open up to someone like that again. I never had before & I am damn sure I won't again. 

I Think I am in LOVE

And no, it is not with a man! LOL.  But I had you going for a second didn’t I?!

No its Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

Some of my friends have been telling me that I should try BJJ for a while now and to be honest I have been a little timid about it. I have wanted to, but I have just been scared. So about 2 weeks ago at a dinner party with some friends, I brought it up, saying I wanted to do it but was nervous. Of course one of my friends (who is also one of the BJJ instructor) said, “well why don’t you”. I said, I didn’t know how comfortable I would be, being that close to a guy and blah blah blah…the normal fear filled excuses that I give myself every time I sit watching them do it. Of course, they all encouraged me to try it.

But let’s be honest, I already run, I do kickboxing, and I do boot camp...no that is not the problem, the problem is what if I totally suck at it? I hate failing at things, and I am just now getting decent at kickboxing, maybe I should just focus on that. BUT I want to try it, it looks fun and even though I do all the other stuff…I feel trapped, like something is missing and none of those thing release it. I want to hit something and sparing is just out of the question (for now), I like my pretty face!

Anywho, the next week one of my friends came up to me and handed me a brand new mouth guard (purple – my fav color) and said that he really though I should try it and that I would like it so he got this for me. I smiled…how could I say no to that! I didn’t get to try it that week…but I did try it this week.

AND HOLY MOLY I freaking loved it! What a rush!  I may suck at it, but it relaxed me and helped me to find a zen that I don’t find with anything else. I have to think, fight, and think…it is great! I know I know…I said think twice, but you do! It is mental and physical!

My trainer took me through the starting set up of how you do it and some basic moves, blocks and things. And I even got a chance to roll with 2 of the guys at my Kung Fu School and it was amazing! A-FREAKING-Mazing!!! The fear of being that close to a man and trapped…didn’t bother me at all, I guess because I trust the guys that I train with and I wasn’t actually half bad…for my first time. LOL. Don’t worry, I know they were being nice to me and taking it easy on me.

I always thought it was for guys…and seeing one or two other girls do it gave me courage, I should have listened to my trainers and friends sooner, I feel like I could have been doing this for much longer. Either way, I am glad I finally found it, I am glad I finally stepped up and did it and I am glad that I found something to offer me a peace that I didn’t have before. Somewhere to take out my aggression more (sometime the bag just isn’t enough) and something to completely challenge my mind!

I woke up sore as hell the next day and covered in bruises and I loved every one of them! I can’t wait until next Thursday so I can do it again and again and again! There may only be 7 days in the week, but I wish there were 8 just so I could do BJJ 2 days instead of just one!!!

I don’t know which I like more, the mental aspect or the physical aspect…but I love it and I plan on doing it every week from now on! :) I am already looking forward to Next Thursday!

June AB-TASTIC Workout

I don't know about the rest of you women out there, but for me abs are the absolute hardest. I feel that no matter how much I try and how many crunches, sit-ups suitcases, whatever I do, it doesn't make a difference!

So here is what I plan on doing for the month of June, feel free to join in and do it too. Give those abs a little bit of an extra workout.

I know I want a 6 pack! LOL