Weston Half Marathon - AKA The Run of Death

I should have known better that after coming back from the blinding cold of England to the warm perfection on South Florida I would get sick...but with my normal voracity, I though I was invincible, until I fell victim to the full, just in time for my Half Marathon...AKA...The Run of Death!

Now doing a 5K feeling a little stuffy, but doing a Half Marathon (13.1 grueling miles) with a full blown flu with nauseous, fever, dizziness the works is beyond a lot worse.

From the time I got home Friday night until the time I woke up for the race Sunday morning, I left my bed for food and bathroom...nothing more. Saturday night I felt so horrible that I spent have the night curled up on the bathroom flood debating if I was going to even live to see the morning.

When my alarm finally went off Sunday I wanted to die, but I dragged my sorry ass outta bed and to the race. I down a few more then the suggested daily intake of some Tylenol cold and flu (the good stuff from behind the counter, not that cheap imitation stuff they try to pawn off on you from shelf), told myself it was only 2 hours....then I could go back to bed and die. Plus, I didn't die last night so I was good right...WRONG!

I meet up with my friend at the race & I know I will go faster then her (if only by a little), so if all else fails she will see me dead on the road and be able to alert my loved ones.

The race starts and the meds have kicked in by this time so I am actually off to a good start. 8:39 min miles...not to shabby I tell myself, I am not dying after all...I can do this right...but 8:39 min miles turns into 9:36 min miles and by mile 8 I have convinced myself that gods themselves are going to come down off Olympus and mock me as I fall dehydrated and dry-heaving to the ground to be trampled under the feet of real runners and walkers who are now passing me as I jog pathetically along at 10:36 min miles.

How much worse can it get I tell myself. The sun is beating down on my deprecated body and I struggle with each breath as the dry heat sucks the air from me. Sure death is standing just up ahead ready to cut my down with his scythe, I struggle on.

**After the race, I find out that the conditions were some of the worse for a race and the humidity etc had taken many races down**

Convinced I have passed the point of no return into delirium I begin to notice others around me. We pass a Firehouse and a very fit couple turn off the course and run up to the station flagging down one of the firefighters. I see more than normal police on bikes riding by and many times with people on the back of them. Convinced I am hallucinating I lean again a pole trying to get the world to stop spinning. I know my body just wants to rest, but having just passed mile 11, how can I give up now.

A police officer scares me half to death and awakes me from what I believe may have been me falling into death asks me if I am OK. Sucking it up, I tell him I was just catching my breath and I push myself back up right...as I seemed to have slid down the pole slightly and set off again...at what I have decided we will call a fast walk....2 more miles until I can collapse.

Just 2 more miles...and dear god where they the longest 2 miles of my running life!

Mile 12 - 11:43 min and Mile 13 - 12:13 min

If it hadn't been for this guy running along next to me, I may have just crawled to the finish line. But he ran up next to me and ran with me for the last 1.5 miles...well more like speed walked, but at this point in time, I am not going to pick and choose what I call it. In my mind at that moment I was just pleased to be moving.

Crossing that finish line was the biggest accomplishment ever. I think I had sweat out every last bit of flu. I drank 4 bottles of water and pretty sure I pushed a little kid out of the way to get more.

That was truly The Run of Death! But I overcome it and defeated it! :) Take that B!Tche$!!!

Lies & Manipulation

"When a guy sends mixed signals to a girl  it take a toll on her psychological wellbeing, you wanna know why girls act crazy, take a look at the guy she's dating, then you'll really see some crazy! trust me" - Mike Tyson

I have had the worst luck with relationships over my lifetime. Some have been worse than others, but none of them can I really look back upon and say, that was a good relationship…to bad it ended.

Instead I have always been very guarded, letting people in just enough, but keeping myself shielded off for when they inevitable will do…hurt me…so that I will be able to get over it.

Well about 4 months ago, I finally did, after much contemplation and debate let someone in, a friend of mine that I had known for a while. One of our mutual friends actually brought it to my attention that he liked me almost a year before I actually considered it, but at the time I was involved in my latest dead-end relationship that I knew was going nowhere fast.  

Well obviously, the dead-end relationship ended, only for me to find out that it wasn’t really a relationship. I apparently had been the only one to believe that I was actually in a relationship, even though I am pretty sure (100% sure) that we had talked about it. But I hadn’t been to open and involved in the relationship so I didn’t really mind too much when it ended. Like I said…this is me, I didn’t expect anything from that dead-end relationship.

Anywho, I continued to go about my life. Single. Training. Running. Enjoying. Even though I was now single I didn’t see the point pick up another dead-end relationship with my friend, someone younger than me, who obviously wouldn’t know what he really wanted and for a few more logical reason. Yes, I found him attractive and though he was kinda nice, and yes we were into the same things, but I know my luck…it’s me, relationships always end badly – mostly with me getting hurt. So we just remained friends.  Eventually he left to go take care of some family stuff up in Central Florida, which ended the possibility anyway…right?

One night, after a few to many drinks, I was talking to him while he was still in Central Florida and I mentioned that “yes I liked him” and I admitted the reason that I had been cautious about telling him before was that his was young, and didn’t know what he wanted and that we trained together and if something happened it would make things awkward.

Well you know how guys are, I got the BS: all my friends are older then me line and a bunch of other crap lines. But again, he was in Central Florida so what does it matter right. A few months go by…2 or 3 and then one day I am in kickboxing and in he walks. I had no idea that he was coming back, I asked him why he didn’t tell me. He said he wanted to surprise me and surprise me he did. My girl said my face light up like it was Christmas. Because yes there were all those reasons as to why, but I did like the boy damnit! LOL

So we start hanging out, but I didn’t know about letting him in, I don’t want to get hurt and I don’t want to hurt him and all of those issues about his age and the fact that we train together keep running around in the back of my head. But the more we hung out, the more I realized how much we got along and how good we were together. All those things that I hate in relationships and problems I have, he didn’t provide any of them. It was just easy and for the first time I actually started to consider maybe just maybe letting someone in.

After talking to him and listening to the things (lines) he feed me, I did drop my guard. Faster and farther down then I have ever dropped my guard before. I opened myself up and made myself completely and utterly 100% venerable.

Big Freaking Mistake!

Of course…this is me we are talking about, so you know exactly what happened. It ended. Badly. To be honest it still hurts to think about it. I am not yet ready to say how it ended, but not well. And I don't know if I will fully recover from this one. As I said, I've been hurt a lot before,  but never lead on and screwed over so badly by a friend & lover. I think he pretty much took the last trust I had.

I know people say that I’ll get over it, but I also know me. It took me so much to open up to him. The stuff that he told me, I have never been so lied to & lead on in my life by a friend and let’s face it, if a friend can do that so easily to me....shit.

I still can’t get over the BS crap that he said to me. If I was that type of person I would tell you all the crap he said to me. Because it is all still there in my phone via txt messages and Facebook messages, but to be honest, it would just hurt too much and I am trying to keep from feeling anymore pain right now.

It just makes me so angry. How stupid was I to actually believer him & trust him! I though he was my friend. I thought he was a good honest person. I didn't realize how much of a snake he was lying to my face so easily, in front of all our friends. Completely uncaring of any pain that he knew he was going to cause me. 

I'm mad at him, but I guess in all reality I'm really mad at myself for falling for another guy who ended up being no different than any of the other ones. For letting my guard down and actually opening up and for just the plain fact that I didn't see it! WTF is wrong w/ me?! Do I have a giant flashing sign on my forehead that says "gullible loser...screw over here"

I has been a few weeks…usually I would be so over it right now, but I swear to god I'm fucking broken. I think that I am just one of those people who is destine to not be in a relationship. That is ok right, there is always bag therapy!

Sadly, I don't think I will ever open up to someone like that again. I never had before & I am damn sure I won't again. 

My Encounter with The Crazy Man

So I was in Walgreens the other day, picking up a few necessities, and I am checking out when this crazy guy starts a rant behind be about Obama being a terrorist, Haha. Really, a terrorist, I am curious as to what proof people have of this besides conspiracy, are they getting their sources from the same places that state that 911 was actually orchestrated by the US government, barcodes are controlling people, or that the Nazis had a moon base?

He actually made me feel unsafe, and I didn't want to get into anything with him or even say anything to him because he was the type that would follow me home, sit outside my house and murder me in my sleep. That a good way to make me believe in your crazed ideas...make me fear for my life. What is wrong with people?

Anyway, I am going off my story. So I didn't realize just how many crazy people were out there until last weekend. Yes I know they are on TV screaming and yelling half truths and idiotic statements, but I know that the news and media feed off of people like that and without their crazed statements of insanity the news channels wouldn’t get the rating they need, but this guy was crazy and yelling and screaming at me. He started off with a simple statement about taxes going up on items and next thing you know he was screaming at me about Obama lying to the country, being an illegal Muslim who is trying to destroy the U.S and is the Antichrist, and a Nazi (that one made me laugh out loud), he told me that Obama was a communist and a socialist (does that man even know the definition for a communist and socialist? I don’t think he did, but Obama can’t be all of them). This man just kept going on and on and on he told me that my children were going to suffer and pay for what was happening to our country. The man was getting closer to me and shacking in anger that I was actually starting to think he would hit me. He was trying to get a rise out of me (AND JUST TO SAY…how the hell did he know who I voted for or what my political beliefs were, not like I had something tattooed on my forehead??)

The checkout lady tried to calm him down, because it looked like he was really going to attack me at any moment and I was trying to pay for my items), by saying that she would be right with him and he turned to her with more anger and hatred in his eyes and spat “You just didn't like me because you are Black, you are obviously an Obama fan”. Really? I didn’t know that just because you were black meant that you had to vote for Obama, Can’t black people be Republicans, wasn’t Colin Powell a republican and last I checked he was black. It was an extremely scary situation. I just stood in shock staring at this guy wondering why he was yelling at me, I didn't even know how to respond I was like "well you are entitled to your opinion" he just kept saying your children will be sorry, you will pay, Obama is the Antichrist an Nazi, communist and a terrorist who is working to destroy the world!” HAHA.

I must admit that being yelled at by some man did not convince me that Obama was evil, I say give the man a chance, this is America and he WON the election, the electoral AND the popular vote (Unlike Bush did his first time around). Obama has been in office for only a few months, and there is absolutely NO proof about any of this crap people are screaming, Maybe instead of yelling at me in a store about certain things, he should try reading and gathering information for himself, you know RESEARCH…not just repeating what he hears over and over again on the one channel that he watches. I would be more than happy to listen to someone as long as I do not feel like my life is endangered by the process.