South Florida Drivers = A DAMN TRIP

 Driving in South Florida is seriously a trip. This is like a melting pot from people all over the world, and many of them should not have licences to begin with and even more are uninsured!

I have lived all over the country, and Florida is in the top 3 worst places to drive! People down here are seriously insane!

1. We have young people fresh from the islands and South America that hop off a plane and into a car without a second thought and many of them do not speak English. I don't understand how you are going to read all our street signs and highway alerts if you don't know the language...you don't. I don't go to France or Italy hop in a car and drive around!
2. We have (like everywhere) a bunch of stupid teenage drivers who have had their license for less than 6 months. Um if your kid is not getting As & Bs in cars, they are probably not smart enough to drive around a 2 ton death trap...just saying. High school is so not that hard. I slept though half of it and didn't even go to the other half and graduate in the top percentile of my class!
3. Being that this is truly the snowbird state, we have a bunch of blue haired old woman and men who can't even see over the steering wheel, do 45 on the highway in the fast lane and leave their blinker on for hours!You can see how much of a snowbird state this is by checking out my blog My Evil Mind about my flight back from New Jersey in the beginning of winter. OMG.
4. Well damn, South Florida is a big area. We have a lot of people crammed into this wonderful paradise! Who doesn't want to live here, the beaches, the sun, the men! But a lot of people just means a lot of stupid people who shouldn't have a licence to begin with. I swear we should A) not provide drivers test in multiple languages and B) not make it so damn easy C) Not let you keep taking it even though you have failed 50 times! DAMN MAN!
5. And don't even get me started on the school buses and construction..ugh...

I could list for ages about how everywhere...and especially here have horrible drivers...but I'm leaving my main point behind.....

So when my friend sent me this email about Florida drivers, I had to share!  I wish I knew who had come up with this list originally, because I would give them props, but sadly...I do not :(

Driving in South Florida

1. First, you must learn how to pronounce the name; it is "FLAAAAARIDA".

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On I-95 your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less is grounds to run you off the road while giving you the finger.

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Florida has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, SUV cell phone-talking-soccer moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.

 

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Florida. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting

8. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been accidentally activated.

9. Merge means race like a madman and cut the person in line off or better yet --- run them off the road.

10. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands and generously apply suntan lotion on your left arm.

11. If you are going to yell anything out the window, make sure it is in Spanish or Creole.

 I wish I could just give a thumbs up to every single one of those! Cuz damn so true, so sad, so funny

Really don't mess with us. South Florida is CRAZY! Hell we just had a man eat another persons face off!!!  :)

A Boy v/s A Man...

I have been single now for about 2 months, and in I have had some interesting dates and encounters (with the opposite sex) so I figure…maybe I should share some of these, for many reasons: a good laugh, a WTF moment or just a lesson to help other woman see the crazy before it hits them and they have time to run.

So here it goes:

Ironically…I still have this strange belief that at a certain point in your life, guys would grow up…I am almost 30. But I guess 30(ish) year old boys are still 16….This is a perfect example of how stupid men can be!

I had been talking to this guy for a while and I finally agreed to go on a date with this guy last week. He has a great body, graduate degree, lived alone, had his own business, into the same things as I am…so I figured, why not, seems to have his head on right.

He picks me up, opens the door, perfect gentleman and takes me out to sushi (since I don’t eat meat…he remember…plus)

Dinner was great; we talked and got a long really well, so we made plans to see each other again this week. Last night, he gives me a text:

"Ready for Round 2"

I said "Haha, Maybe :-) what do you have in mind"

He replied "Round two of Kissing, LOL"

I said "Haha. Dinner maybe a better place to start. :)"

He said "Dinner again!"

I said “Well dinner or something. What do you have in mind?"

His response "Kisses"

I said, "Haha. I'm not 16. I don't just meet up w/ guys to go to make-out bluff anymore. I'm kinda more a get to know someone first, relationship type of girl"

He said "Ohh so you’re not into the whole bases thing"

I said "LOL...not for a few years now, u?

He never responded.

I felt like I had fallen down the rabbits hole back to 1998 and was talking to a 16 year old boy! WTF. Really!!! I didn’t enjoy talking to 16 year old boys when I was 16…THAT is exactly why I dated older men! Why the hell would I want to talk to one now? Seriously! What kinda idiot thinks he takes a girl out once and then the go have a make-out session for the second date. Guess I won’t be hearing from him again, THANK GAWD cuz I so don’t want a kid!   

Oh well, I have another date tonight...maybe this one can at least act like he is 18! I would say he does have a college degree and owns his own house...so maybe he is a grown man...but you never know!

But on the plus side, at least I am not going out with a guy who is 35 and STILL trying to get his career in line!

Kisses....really?!...SMH, IDK anymore