Good on Paper:

Dating freaking suxs and it is stupid hard. I don’t know why men enjoy doing it so much! I meet this boy…let’s call him Mr. Peep This. That boy is so good on paper and reading the paper…we would be a great fit for each other!  Took a while, but I finally decided to go ahead and meet him, go on a date. Right. Heck, like I said he is good on paper and yes, we do have a lot in common.

He is so good on paper: jobs, education, car, financially stable, active (he does crossfit etc) knows what he wants, he is smart, funny and very very nice and we got along really well....but then like always...you see the flaws. There is always something…isn’t there. :(

**Just a side note**

Guys work so hard to get in your pants. They are so attentive and responsive, but as soon as they do...BAMN...you move from #1 to #21

Sad thing is, if they didn't get us use to the attentiveness and responsiveness in the beginning, we would be so bothered when they stopped doing it so much! Then they say you are the needy one and why do you want to see them all the time.

I WILL TELL YOU WHY! It is because from DAY ONE they have been like that. Now it is day SIXTY ONE and you have just gotten into the routine. Honestly, we had lives before them; they inserted themselves into our lives, changed us and then blame us for changing....

And I don’t care how they act, we have already decided within the first 30 seconds that we see/meet them weather or not we are going to sleep with them, so this whole messing with our minds part is SOOOO not needed!

****

Back to Mr Peep This.

Date #1 goes really great, but the flaws….

1) And this is the biggest one: When he opens his mouth.

            The boy says words from 1990! Yes, Seriously! 1990!

            Words like:

            * Peep This

            * Word

            * No Doubt

            * Yo

            * Crib

WTF! Are you kidding me! Although he did use HAM (Hard as a Mother) the other day, which I love (thanks to Two Broke Girls)! But ugh! It is just so strange hearing slang from 1990, especially in a New York accent. I just look at him, jaw dropped, wondering WTF is going to come out of his mouth next.

Hell, I even had to txt a friend to see if I could get an interpretation on one text "Chillaxin in bed all day. What fucking killed me boo is spelling at 9 effin am"

What the hell does Spelling mean!

Sadly, no one could tell me, and I didn't want to ask in case it was an auto correct...causing him to realize just how strange I find his lingo. Urban Dictionary didn’t help me out either L Damn Google!

At this point in time I am waiting for WACK to come out! Heehee.

So that is issue #1

Issue #2

2) He is still a bit of a party boy

Not such a big issue for me, but now that I am older...getting older...whatever. I like to sleep more and I am not getting drunk or going out to the club as much. Hell, I haven't been to the bar in MONTHS, I can't even remember the last time and I haven't been to an actually night club since my birthday in April! And I don't plan on going again anytime in the near future.

Him...he goes out until like 5 am - 6 am. He said the other night he went out to a club after he got off work (admittedly at 3 am) and was out until 8 am!

Are you crazy! You are 30 years old! doing that 3-4 times a week is not good.

Even after our date the other night, at 11:30 or whatever, instead of going home like a normal person would do on a Thursday night, he went to Off the Hooka in Fort Lauderdale and meet up with some friends until like 3 am! NO WAY! That is just strange to me.

Then he said to me: "I don't want to go out late like that anymore and now I found a girl who doesn't."

IDK, I don't want him to change who he is and not go out because of me. I want him to be that person on his own. I don't think people should change something like that about themselves for someone else. And how will that even work. Obviously all his friends are the same way. Going out late, partying all night and sleeping all day.

Why does dating have to be so damn hard? LOL

I am going to go on another date with him. But 2 issues that I need to address, consider and decided on...NO DOUBT!!

Alex Cross - The Movie

I just have to say!!!


I LOVE the Alex Cross Series by James Patterson! 

But I still CAN NOT believe that they cast Tyler Perry for Alex Cross!! He is NOT Alex Cross!!! SERIOUSLY!! WTF! READY the BOOKS!!! Idris Elba is a MUCH better...MUCH hotter....PERFECT fit for Alex Cross! 

Tyler Perry! Ugh. Could you make me any sicker! I don't even want to waste my time watching that dude completely screw up a perfect movie.. especially when Idris Elba could have done it so perfectly...and dame is Idris Elba sexy....ummmm......seeeeexxxxxyyyyy!! :) Ummm...Yes, Idris Elba really is Alex Cross!!

South Florida Drivers = A DAMN TRIP

 Driving in South Florida is seriously a trip. This is like a melting pot from people all over the world, and many of them should not have licences to begin with and even more are uninsured!

I have lived all over the country, and Florida is in the top 3 worst places to drive! People down here are seriously insane!

1. We have young people fresh from the islands and South America that hop off a plane and into a car without a second thought and many of them do not speak English. I don't understand how you are going to read all our street signs and highway alerts if you don't know the language...you don't. I don't go to France or Italy hop in a car and drive around!
2. We have (like everywhere) a bunch of stupid teenage drivers who have had their license for less than 6 months. Um if your kid is not getting As & Bs in cars, they are probably not smart enough to drive around a 2 ton death trap...just saying. High school is so not that hard. I slept though half of it and didn't even go to the other half and graduate in the top percentile of my class!
3. Being that this is truly the snowbird state, we have a bunch of blue haired old woman and men who can't even see over the steering wheel, do 45 on the highway in the fast lane and leave their blinker on for hours!You can see how much of a snowbird state this is by checking out my blog My Evil Mind about my flight back from New Jersey in the beginning of winter. OMG.
4. Well damn, South Florida is a big area. We have a lot of people crammed into this wonderful paradise! Who doesn't want to live here, the beaches, the sun, the men! But a lot of people just means a lot of stupid people who shouldn't have a licence to begin with. I swear we should A) not provide drivers test in multiple languages and B) not make it so damn easy C) Not let you keep taking it even though you have failed 50 times! DAMN MAN!
5. And don't even get me started on the school buses and construction..ugh...

I could list for ages about how everywhere...and especially here have horrible drivers...but I'm leaving my main point behind.....

So when my friend sent me this email about Florida drivers, I had to share!  I wish I knew who had come up with this list originally, because I would give them props, but sadly...I do not :(

Driving in South Florida

1. First, you must learn how to pronounce the name; it is "FLAAAAARIDA".

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On I-95 your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less is grounds to run you off the road while giving you the finger.

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Florida has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, SUV cell phone-talking-soccer moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.

 

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Florida. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting

8. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been accidentally activated.

9. Merge means race like a madman and cut the person in line off or better yet --- run them off the road.

10. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands and generously apply suntan lotion on your left arm.

11. If you are going to yell anything out the window, make sure it is in Spanish or Creole.

 I wish I could just give a thumbs up to every single one of those! Cuz damn so true, so sad, so funny

Really don't mess with us. South Florida is CRAZY! Hell we just had a man eat another persons face off!!!  :)

A Boy v/s A Man...

I have been single now for about 2 months, and in I have had some interesting dates and encounters (with the opposite sex) so I figure…maybe I should share some of these, for many reasons: a good laugh, a WTF moment or just a lesson to help other woman see the crazy before it hits them and they have time to run.

So here it goes:

Ironically…I still have this strange belief that at a certain point in your life, guys would grow up…I am almost 30. But I guess 30(ish) year old boys are still 16….This is a perfect example of how stupid men can be!

I had been talking to this guy for a while and I finally agreed to go on a date with this guy last week. He has a great body, graduate degree, lived alone, had his own business, into the same things as I am…so I figured, why not, seems to have his head on right.

He picks me up, opens the door, perfect gentleman and takes me out to sushi (since I don’t eat meat…he remember…plus)

Dinner was great; we talked and got a long really well, so we made plans to see each other again this week. Last night, he gives me a text:

"Ready for Round 2"

I said "Haha, Maybe :-) what do you have in mind"

He replied "Round two of Kissing, LOL"

I said "Haha. Dinner maybe a better place to start. :)"

He said "Dinner again!"

I said “Well dinner or something. What do you have in mind?"

His response "Kisses"

I said, "Haha. I'm not 16. I don't just meet up w/ guys to go to make-out bluff anymore. I'm kinda more a get to know someone first, relationship type of girl"

He said "Ohh so you’re not into the whole bases thing"

I said "LOL...not for a few years now, u?

He never responded.

I felt like I had fallen down the rabbits hole back to 1998 and was talking to a 16 year old boy! WTF. Really!!! I didn’t enjoy talking to 16 year old boys when I was 16…THAT is exactly why I dated older men! Why the hell would I want to talk to one now? Seriously! What kinda idiot thinks he takes a girl out once and then the go have a make-out session for the second date. Guess I won’t be hearing from him again, THANK GAWD cuz I so don’t want a kid!   

Oh well, I have another date tonight...maybe this one can at least act like he is 18! I would say he does have a college degree and owns his own house...so maybe he is a grown man...but you never know!

But on the plus side, at least I am not going out with a guy who is 35 and STILL trying to get his career in line!

Kisses....really?!...SMH, IDK anymore

The night without rest....

So last night was the worst night! I am so tired today:

I went for a run....5.5 miles Came home and stated cooking dinner

My friend came by around 8:45 to drop off his dog, Roxy...I was thinking I could be in bed by 10...body hurts and I am so tired!

He hung around until 11:45! I was so tried. I finally said. "Ok well I am going to bed" I didn't want to be rude, but damn I was tired!

Get the dogs upstairs, get dogs calmed down, brush my teeth, shower, crawl exhausted into bed...12:20

2 am ... Fire Alarm battery dies. Beep.....Beep....Beep....I get up and have to find which one it is and pull it down. both the dogs are up, and confused, going up and down the stairs.

4 am ... Neighbor kid comes home with music blaring... Wakes me up and of course the dogs! Roxy and Jake go to bark at him...I get up and get them back in the house and calmed down...Everything is OK guys!

6:30 am ... Roxy, goes outside to bark at all the Neighbors walking their dogs and going to work.

I finally get up and shower.... 7:00 am.

I feel like I haven't gotten any sleep...but I bet I know what Jake and Roxy are doing today...SLEEPING!

Real Friends Help you Move Bodies!

Sometimes I have the strangest dreams that make me wake up and wonder…what the heck is wrong with me! Well last night was one of those nights and I really did wake up and say “What the Heck is Wrong with Me!!”

The dream starts:

My friends (Kristin, Shirley and Rosi) and I are going to the football stadium. The Miami Dolphins are doing a pre-season 10K race before the first game. Each team (of 4) got a catered lunch, t-shirts, tickets to the first game of the season and some other stuff.

We stand in line at the packet pick-up table, waiting while everyone checks in and picks out their seats for the football game later. Ironically it is Dr. House behind the counter handing out the packets. He is telling everyone how depressed he is that his show (House) has been cancelled and how pissed he is that he has to now do crap like this instead. Personally, I didn’t care and I just asked for an autograph. 

Instead of handing us a bag with our number and t-shirt in it like normal, they hand us a big red wagon with a 12 ft x 12 ft box in it. It takes all of us to drag this huge box back to the car. We look at each other and start laughing, really what the heck cold be in the box! We set the box next to the car figuring once we are done with the race we will come back here, enjoy the catered lunch and relax after the game and figure out what is inside the box.

We start the race and for some reason none of us can run as fast as normal. It feels like weights are holding us down as people rush past us and it is so humid outside it’s like running in hell! Sweat pouring from us it takes us hours…HOURS to finish the race.

As we drag ourselves across the finish line, we come in last place. Almost everyone had cleared out and the event hosts are in the process of breaking everything down. We ask after some water and our lunch because by this time we are starving and they say everything we would need is in the box.

We make our way back to our car…exhausted and open the box. Inside we find: water, a catered lunch (all laid out on a table) meddles, t-shirts, snacks to take home, a bunch of goodies and a dead waitress, the waitress who was going to cater our lunch after the race. It took us so long to complete the run that she died in the box in the heat!

Of course we start to freak out! What the hell are we going to do! We have a dead waitress lying next to us, her blank eyes staring up into the sky. We start to debate if this is our fault or not.  We look around to make sure that no one has noticed this dead body fall out of the box. Thankfully the coast is clear. None of us want to get in trouble; it is not our fault she died! I mean really, who would put someone in a box anyway and who would agree to be put into a box! One of us (I can’t remember who) comes up with the plan or putting her into the soup to get rid of the body.

**Yes our catered lunch for some reason came with a steaming hot cauldron of soup.**

So working as a team we all collect sticks (ironically not substantial sticks but more like little twigs) and proceed to push this dead waitress into the cauldron of soup. This crazy dead woman is heavy and it takes us forever to push her in. As each of us gets sweaty we step back to rest. After like an hour, she finally splashes into the pot and I poke down her leg that is sticking out. We look around again to just make sure that no one is watching…

…and then I woke up. Really, WTH is worng with me! On my way to work I told my mum the story. She just laughed at me.

My Toliet Trip...

Sooooo I always seem to do the dumbest things or maybe the dumbest things always happen to me, either way…I spend a lot of time laughing at myself.

Last night I went out for my evening run with my running buddy and best friend Jake-aronie (my dog). The humidity outside was horrible and by the time I got home I was disgusting!

*Side note – I always shower when I get home from working out, how come Jake just gets to go lap up water and eat his dinner right away…doesn’t he sweat too?**

I head upstairs and start to peel off my wet cloths, tossing them at the top of the stairs, because these are going right into the wash. They have to stink like death! Suddenly I feel something crawling around in my hair! I think, crap must be a leaf as I reach up to pull it out, but it moves under my fingers and scurries away deeper into my hair. Realizing that a bug is now lose on my scalp and most likely trying to locate a good nesting ground out of my reach so that it can hatch it young and they can all eat their way into my brain….I freak!

I begin to scream like a banshee, bringing Jake running up the stairs to my rescue…fat lot of good he did as he just sits there with his head tilted to the side watching me in mockery. I turn to run away from the bug, which happens to be an insane attempt of me running away from my own head. I go careening into the door knocking myself over backwards.

My arms go flying as I try in vain to regain my balance, however instead I fall backwards and land feet up in the toilet socking my butt in toilet water and cracking my tailbone. That will teach me to clean the toilet and forget to put the seat back down! Heck I am a single woman living alone, I don't think to check the toilet seat!

All I could do was try to stop hyperventilating as I struggle out of the toilet, breathe a sigh of relief that no one was actually around to witness my incompetence, thank the stars that my dog has not yet grown thumbs and learned how to use a camera and rub my butt as I laugh at myself. Since no one else is there to.

Now I am convinced that I am going to have a bruised tail bone for the next month and a red ring around my butt for the next week.

Oh the joys of my life! :)